Here we are at Wednesday, the middle of the road. It so happens that Wednesdays are now the biggest hurdle in my week, as I'm sure it is for many of my peers here at Elmhurst. I literally go non-stop from 6 in the morning until 6 at night counting my workout routine in there. One twelve hour day is not bad though, when I was commuting I used to have 5 days were i went longer than that. Thank GOD for living on campus, even with the quirks and headaches that are sometimes found living here.
It's 4am and I just can't sleep. I woke up about 2 to take an antacid and such and just tossed and turned for an hour, so now I'm here. There's so much racing through my mind right now that I'm wide awake after getting only 4 solid hours of sleep. One major thing that I can't shake is the phone call I need to make to Dr. Jacobs tomorrow-somehow. I think I'll probably have to step out of lab for a few minutes to call him. He didn't sound very happy with the voice mail he left me yesterday while I was in quartet. He also did not mention anything about the other doctor from Northwestern I'm so found of-which is even more unsettling. I don't have time for this shit. I just don't.
Two of my classes this semester have required observations and active participation in real schools. Which is exciting to no extent for me. Observations can be boring but they are also a great way to learn. I'm actually looking forward to getting the observations done, I just don't know when the HELL I'm going to have time to do them. The nice thing though is I can count all of these hours towards my total 150 needed for my degree. Killing two or three birds with one stone is always a favorite thought of mine-efficiency is quickly becoming one of my favorite things.
Amongst all this things at home are taking twists and turns that I was not prepared for. I'm hoping their for the good, and part of me really believes they are-but there is still part of me that is so afraid things either won't get fixed or will become worse through all of this. Here's hoping for the best.
I have officially fallen off the health wagon in the sense of trying to combat the affects of the prednisone and taking care of myself. In my defense, I did come down with a nasty case of Pneumonia over Christmas break and January and did not have the energy or the lung capacity to work out on a regular basis like I had planned. I not weigh 200 pounds even, I've gotten over the pneumonia for the most part and I am dong my best to get back in to my routine and take care of things. Over Jterm the food on campus was terrible and the fast food choices I made were not the healthiest by any means. It came down to what was cheap and fast in the bitter cold and I let it get carried away. I'm back on my salads, no pop (or if I have a pop it's coke zero), no cheeseburgers, drink lots of water etc regime and will be back in to the routine shortly. I feel like I've let a lot of people down, and I'm sorry.
HEALTH UPDATE
I finally heard from the doctor today after almost three months of waiting, becoming increasingly frustrated, and calling with no return phone call. Apparently the doctor that sent me to this specialist that does not think I'm worth his time has not heard from him either. However the slides from my biopsy in April made it to Northwestern and back to Glenbrook hospitals weeks ago....
As I sit here writing this right now, my daily dose of Prednisone has been lowered from 40mg to 30mg! Thankfully I'm getting weaned off the roids starting tonight. It seems like I've been on it such a long time, and my doctor on the phone today was concerned about the prolonged use of the Prednisone but also doesn't want to risk hurting my liver any more than it already is.
I'm going up to the North Shore Thursday afternoon to get blood work done and get more answers. Hopefully by then my doc will have been able to get in touch with this guy from Northwestern and we can finally figure out if I'm going to need a liver in 10 years or if it's just Sarcoidosis. Either way I just want some freaking answers already!
I was told to expect nothing but good things out of Northwestern, and my Father swears by them but I seriously have a hard time seeing them as the best, when I can't even get in touch with a guy who is supposed to look things over and tell me what's wrong. I need answers now and he scheduled me to see him again in MAY. MAY of 2009. Makes no sense to me whatsoever. Thanks Northwestern for nothing, I want to go somewhere else!
As I sit here writing this right now, my daily dose of Prednisone has been lowered from 40mg to 30mg! Thankfully I'm getting weaned off the roids starting tonight. It seems like I've been on it such a long time, and my doctor on the phone today was concerned about the prolonged use of the Prednisone but also doesn't want to risk hurting my liver any more than it already is.
I'm going up to the North Shore Thursday afternoon to get blood work done and get more answers. Hopefully by then my doc will have been able to get in touch with this guy from Northwestern and we can finally figure out if I'm going to need a liver in 10 years or if it's just Sarcoidosis. Either way I just want some freaking answers already!
I was told to expect nothing but good things out of Northwestern, and my Father swears by them but I seriously have a hard time seeing them as the best, when I can't even get in touch with a guy who is supposed to look things over and tell me what's wrong. I need answers now and he scheduled me to see him again in MAY. MAY of 2009. Makes no sense to me whatsoever. Thanks Northwestern for nothing, I want to go somewhere else!
This Historic Day
What a day! I got to watch the first Black man be sworn in as President of these United States! Even though I was watching a television and was sitting thousands of miles away from our capital i still felt honored to be witnessing such a historic event-and with such a noble and great man to boot. Granted it is a little early to be passing this kind of judgment but I can't help it. I have such a good feeling about President Obama-things are better already just having Bush out of Washington. Yes I know things are not going to change over night and he has a lot to deal with, break through and accomplish. But seriously after watching the debates, how he handled his campaign, and just listening to the man speak I seriously believe we're better off today than we were yesterday. Tomorrow is going to be interesting with our President's foreign policy announcements among other things. Imagine, having a President who is comfortable being President! Someone at the helm of this country who can form actual sentences and pronounce words properly! We now have a President who does not have his fingers in big oil! WOW! WHAT A CONCEPT!
ALSO: Anyone who says George Bush was a great leader should just quit right now. There is no way anyone can sit and say he did a good job as a leader. He had the lowest approval ratings in the history of our country on his way out and while in office. Seriously. GIVE IT A REST. And don't even try to compare President Obama with former President Bush. There is no possible comparison so again, give it a rest.
The next year, heck the next couple of months, are going to be interesting for sure and I am so excited that this all happened at a time in my life where I actually have the sense to focus in on current events. What a time to be a college kid! :)
In other news my Dearest has a paid internship lined up for the Spring at Concordia College in the archives there! I am SO excited and happy for her. Things are starting to line up splendidly for Jessie! Now we just gotta get her to call the number........ lol. I'm glad I was able to go with her and support her with this whole thing too :) It makes me feel good to give her support after all she has done/does for me.
Oh and by the way PETA... I will not call my fish "sea kittens" sorry. AND changing the name of an animal to something like "sea kitten" is ridiculous in so many ways. No one is going to call them sea kittens people. Let's try a less cutsie more mature approach to things...... please?
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ALSO: Anyone who says George Bush was a great leader should just quit right now. There is no way anyone can sit and say he did a good job as a leader. He had the lowest approval ratings in the history of our country on his way out and while in office. Seriously. GIVE IT A REST. And don't even try to compare President Obama with former President Bush. There is no possible comparison so again, give it a rest.
The next year, heck the next couple of months, are going to be interesting for sure and I am so excited that this all happened at a time in my life where I actually have the sense to focus in on current events. What a time to be a college kid! :)
In other news my Dearest has a paid internship lined up for the Spring at Concordia College in the archives there! I am SO excited and happy for her. Things are starting to line up splendidly for Jessie! Now we just gotta get her to call the number........ lol. I'm glad I was able to go with her and support her with this whole thing too :) It makes me feel good to give her support after all she has done/does for me.
Oh and by the way PETA... I will not call my fish "sea kittens" sorry. AND changing the name of an animal to something like "sea kitten" is ridiculous in so many ways. No one is going to call them sea kittens people. Let's try a less cutsie more mature approach to things...... please?
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Another Week Down
Feeling a little better today as this chest cold slowly moves out of my system. If I'm not feeling much better by Tuesday I'm going to hit the wellness center at school for sure and get on an antibiotic. Being on the Prednisone means my immune system is almost completely suppressed and causes me to get sick extremely easily.
I called the liver specialist I'm working with on Monday to check about my liver slides and get my options from him and he has yet to call me back. I think I may have mentioned this in my previous post but I need to rant a little more about it. I'm giving him another week and then I'm calling my G.I. Specialist in the hopes he can deal with this guy and get some answers. A month is a long enough time to wait I think, maybe it's just me.
We already have our midterm for J-Term this Tuesday but it looks pretty straightforward and easy. Percussion tech is an amazing class! I am having so much fun banging on drums and getting to know Sara Duran and other peeps a little more :)
Jessie has found her grad school already and is incredibly excited to continue her education and get in to the field she's interested in. I'm excited for her too! I'm glad that she has found something she can be happy doing for the rest of her life, or at least the next 20 years or so. We did a test drive out to the place she's interviewing for an internship today so that she can get her bearings a little around the area and Tuesday I'm going to ride shotgun and go with her to the interview just in case she gets a little turned around she won't be alone and lost in River Forest.
Well it's time to start cooking some Lasagna! More to come later possibly.
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I called the liver specialist I'm working with on Monday to check about my liver slides and get my options from him and he has yet to call me back. I think I may have mentioned this in my previous post but I need to rant a little more about it. I'm giving him another week and then I'm calling my G.I. Specialist in the hopes he can deal with this guy and get some answers. A month is a long enough time to wait I think, maybe it's just me.
We already have our midterm for J-Term this Tuesday but it looks pretty straightforward and easy. Percussion tech is an amazing class! I am having so much fun banging on drums and getting to know Sara Duran and other peeps a little more :)
Jessie has found her grad school already and is incredibly excited to continue her education and get in to the field she's interested in. I'm excited for her too! I'm glad that she has found something she can be happy doing for the rest of her life, or at least the next 20 years or so. We did a test drive out to the place she's interviewing for an internship today so that she can get her bearings a little around the area and Tuesday I'm going to ride shotgun and go with her to the interview just in case she gets a little turned around she won't be alone and lost in River Forest.
Well it's time to start cooking some Lasagna! More to come later possibly.
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So Much Snow
The first week of J-Term has come and gone, and I have to admit that it went by pretty quickly. Percussion Tech is an awesome class, and not only is it a blast bang on drums for 3 hours 4 days a week, I'm learning a lot about the musicianship behind good drumming. I have to admit that I've always considered percussionists to have the more or less easy job of an ensemble. I could always recognize that certain skills were needed in order to play percussion, but I always figured if one had a good internal beat and could time things properly percussion playing was easy. I was wrong. Dead wrong. The minute things you have to pay attention to just playing a practice pad with your sticks is unbelievable at times, especially when trying to pull a continuous drum roll off. One week in and I have a new found respect and interest for percussion playing-I can't wait to see what the rest of J-Term brings.
One of my favorite places to eat has closed their doors for good. La Bahia was a restaurant literally right next door to the office I work in and on December 28th they closed. I just found out about this today holding off my lunch until 2 when they were supposed to open for Saturday business. This is a sad day for sure, their food was incredibly delicious. :(
One more week and still no word from any of my doctors, which is causing me to have shaky faith at the moment. On the one hand I feel like they are holding out on me because the news is so bad they don't want to break it to me. On the other hand there's still that little part of me that feels like they know what's going on and it's not that big a deal so they're putting off calling me. Either way I just want some answers, please. I'm starting to go stir crazy not knowing what exactly is going on with my liver and the rest of me, the prednisone is becoming tiresome to say the least, and my crohns is starting to flare up for the first time in 2 months. I am so sick of my body, as I'm sure the rest of us with chronic illness or any illness are at some point. I'm amazed the human race has survived this long just based on the fact the human body is so flawed and so inefficient. Let's exclude the needless wars, massacres, genocides, crusades and all other forms of self annihilation we've undertaken over the centuries. Focusing in on just the human body itself I have to wonder how it even functions at all. If you think about it everything, absolutely every, at some point passes through your digestive tract. The place where you absorb nutrients to fuel the rest of your body. Your sinuses are allowed to fill up with snot to the point they become impacted. Cancer forms in places and people that should never even have to think about it. The muscles in your body are not all made out of smooth tissue causing them to wear out incredibly quickly. Why not make all of our muscles out of smooth tissue, or partly smooth tissue? We only use what 10% of our total brain? Seriously? I just don't see how something so flawed and so poorly designed can function at all.
I apologize for all the negativity today but in my defense I am freaking out. Why have they not called? Why? You'd think the thousands of dollars they get for seeing me even once would make them care just a little bit more....oh wait. I just want it all to be over already. I want to know what I'm dealing with so I CAN deal with it. I don't think it's too much to ask. Have I called them? No, I haven't. Every time I've decided to something else has come up and my mind has strayed from it. So yes, some of this is my fault and I should be more proactive about it. But at the same time I'm paying THEM and I think they should care just a little bit more.
On the brighter side of things, yesterday was a great day. Jess and I cooked chicken fajitas and made guacamole and salsa from scratch. It turned out to be a pretty decent meal with plenty of salsa and guac left over. We played some Scrabble and talked and just enjoyed each other's company like we often do on a Friday night. She seriously is one in a million, my rock, my source of reason and strength. Talking about our future both individual and ours together gave me feelings of excitement. She's found a place that is looking for an apprentice like person to work with in an archive, which is exactly what she wants to be doing later on down the road. I am so excited both for her and for myself thinking that in a very short amount of time I'll finally be out on my own and teaching-doing what I love 5 days a week.
As I sit here waiting for my lunch to be delivered and an answer on if I get an extra 8 hours pay this coming week, I can't help but think about my Dad. Working at O'Hare he often gets asked to stay for overtime digging signs out of the snow on the taxiways. I worry about him every time he's on the airfield, taxiway or not. Hell I worry about him every time he's out there regardless. Even though currently he's in the terminal working, operating a lift and getting in and out of tight spaces can be just as dangerous as any place else, and 16 hours of work most of which is in the cold and never ending snow has gotta suck big time. Sure over time is always great and appreciated but still, it's gotta suck. This time though he won't have to drive anyone home in the blizzard-which was my bad last time.
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One of my favorite places to eat has closed their doors for good. La Bahia was a restaurant literally right next door to the office I work in and on December 28th they closed. I just found out about this today holding off my lunch until 2 when they were supposed to open for Saturday business. This is a sad day for sure, their food was incredibly delicious. :(
One more week and still no word from any of my doctors, which is causing me to have shaky faith at the moment. On the one hand I feel like they are holding out on me because the news is so bad they don't want to break it to me. On the other hand there's still that little part of me that feels like they know what's going on and it's not that big a deal so they're putting off calling me. Either way I just want some answers, please. I'm starting to go stir crazy not knowing what exactly is going on with my liver and the rest of me, the prednisone is becoming tiresome to say the least, and my crohns is starting to flare up for the first time in 2 months. I am so sick of my body, as I'm sure the rest of us with chronic illness or any illness are at some point. I'm amazed the human race has survived this long just based on the fact the human body is so flawed and so inefficient. Let's exclude the needless wars, massacres, genocides, crusades and all other forms of self annihilation we've undertaken over the centuries. Focusing in on just the human body itself I have to wonder how it even functions at all. If you think about it everything, absolutely every, at some point passes through your digestive tract. The place where you absorb nutrients to fuel the rest of your body. Your sinuses are allowed to fill up with snot to the point they become impacted. Cancer forms in places and people that should never even have to think about it. The muscles in your body are not all made out of smooth tissue causing them to wear out incredibly quickly. Why not make all of our muscles out of smooth tissue, or partly smooth tissue? We only use what 10% of our total brain? Seriously? I just don't see how something so flawed and so poorly designed can function at all.
I apologize for all the negativity today but in my defense I am freaking out. Why have they not called? Why? You'd think the thousands of dollars they get for seeing me even once would make them care just a little bit more....oh wait. I just want it all to be over already. I want to know what I'm dealing with so I CAN deal with it. I don't think it's too much to ask. Have I called them? No, I haven't. Every time I've decided to something else has come up and my mind has strayed from it. So yes, some of this is my fault and I should be more proactive about it. But at the same time I'm paying THEM and I think they should care just a little bit more.
On the brighter side of things, yesterday was a great day. Jess and I cooked chicken fajitas and made guacamole and salsa from scratch. It turned out to be a pretty decent meal with plenty of salsa and guac left over. We played some Scrabble and talked and just enjoyed each other's company like we often do on a Friday night. She seriously is one in a million, my rock, my source of reason and strength. Talking about our future both individual and ours together gave me feelings of excitement. She's found a place that is looking for an apprentice like person to work with in an archive, which is exactly what she wants to be doing later on down the road. I am so excited both for her and for myself thinking that in a very short amount of time I'll finally be out on my own and teaching-doing what I love 5 days a week.
As I sit here waiting for my lunch to be delivered and an answer on if I get an extra 8 hours pay this coming week, I can't help but think about my Dad. Working at O'Hare he often gets asked to stay for overtime digging signs out of the snow on the taxiways. I worry about him every time he's on the airfield, taxiway or not. Hell I worry about him every time he's out there regardless. Even though currently he's in the terminal working, operating a lift and getting in and out of tight spaces can be just as dangerous as any place else, and 16 hours of work most of which is in the cold and never ending snow has gotta suck big time. Sure over time is always great and appreciated but still, it's gotta suck. This time though he won't have to drive anyone home in the blizzard-which was my bad last time.
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Back to School
These past three weeks have gone by in a blur as time spent doing what I want to do often does. Monday marks the start of J-term, which is not too bad considering I only have one class 4 days a week for 3 hours a day for the next four weeks. I'm taking percussion tech and I've heard it's an awesome class and I am definitely looking forward to it. Being able to see Jessie every day is an amazing thought as well, I do miss having her in my day to day life.
Thankfully this years holiday's and break went by without too much drama, screaming, yelling, cussing, throwing things- basically nothing usual. It was nice to have a quiet and relaxing Christmas (for the most part) and aside from being sick as a dog the past couple of days New Year's eve and day were filled with painting, games with the brother, chats with the dearest and relaxation-which I can never complain about.
Monday after lunch I'm going to start making phone calls and getting to the bottom of my liver problems. I also need to see a GP about these persistent headaches and general congestion that just does not seem to go away no matter what I do. The strongest OTC decongestant I can find does absolutely nothing to tame my sinuses so another doctors appointment aside from my liver/crohns is definitely in the near future. I'm so sick and tired of feeling awful all the time and J-term seems like the ideal time to get the reigns on all of this.
My airbrush continues to be awesome, and the more I use it the better I'm getting at controlling it and making it do what I want. The only downside to moving back to school is having to wait till the weekend to use it-a sacrifice I think I can handle until May :) I started working on painting my laptop and it didn't turn out quite the way I had hoped-so I'm going to strip it down again and start over once I get some more paint. I didn't clear coat it or finish it in any way so the paint rubs off pretty easily. I need to take the keyboard and inside cover apart to get this to work, a task I'm not looking forward to but the finish product should look pretty sweet. I plan on repainting a black base coat and then putting the neon orange over it giving it a carbon-fiber look on the inside around the touch pad and keyboard. The top cover is going to get another coat of base black, with orange carbon fiber around the boarder and in the center I'm not sure quite what I want to do yet. Definitely a mural of some sort-the original plan was to make a lightning bolt streaking across it. Maybe streak lighting across the whole top of the laptop? There is an accent piece that I can't get off that would break the lighting up-hmmm decisions decisions.....
So now I have a question for those of you who are kind enough to read through all my nonsense: How do you tell someone you love, someone that has done wonders for you-she's not only alienated you but your brother as well and makes us both want to never come around again? It's so hard to watch and listen to my brother take flack that is sort of merited but blown way out of proportion. And for me I'm just sick and tired of busting my ass and getting both "you're a wonderful kid and a hard worker" but then getting slapped across the face at the same time. It's confusing, irritating, and getting to the point where I just can't do it anymore-I can't risk the stress with my health and I just straight up don't have time to babysit and deal with someone who should be acting her age. Something is going on emotionally with her, and it's obvious there's a void she is trying to fill, but in doing so she's pushed me, my brother and some others away. So here's my question: do we confront her, do I tell her these things knowing full well it's just going to blow up in my face and become my fault somehow? Or do I just let it ride and walk on eggshells for the next two to three years until I can finally put a ton of distance between me and said person? I just don't know what to do, to be honest. This seems like it may be a simple situation, but I just can't get my head around that right now-I hate when things blow up in my face that I could have prevented. But at the same time I've always been one to just plow through situations, both good and bad, and not hesitate or try to skirt around them...... Ugh I just need to get back in school.
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Thankfully this years holiday's and break went by without too much drama, screaming, yelling, cussing, throwing things- basically nothing usual. It was nice to have a quiet and relaxing Christmas (for the most part) and aside from being sick as a dog the past couple of days New Year's eve and day were filled with painting, games with the brother, chats with the dearest and relaxation-which I can never complain about.
Monday after lunch I'm going to start making phone calls and getting to the bottom of my liver problems. I also need to see a GP about these persistent headaches and general congestion that just does not seem to go away no matter what I do. The strongest OTC decongestant I can find does absolutely nothing to tame my sinuses so another doctors appointment aside from my liver/crohns is definitely in the near future. I'm so sick and tired of feeling awful all the time and J-term seems like the ideal time to get the reigns on all of this.
My airbrush continues to be awesome, and the more I use it the better I'm getting at controlling it and making it do what I want. The only downside to moving back to school is having to wait till the weekend to use it-a sacrifice I think I can handle until May :) I started working on painting my laptop and it didn't turn out quite the way I had hoped-so I'm going to strip it down again and start over once I get some more paint. I didn't clear coat it or finish it in any way so the paint rubs off pretty easily. I need to take the keyboard and inside cover apart to get this to work, a task I'm not looking forward to but the finish product should look pretty sweet. I plan on repainting a black base coat and then putting the neon orange over it giving it a carbon-fiber look on the inside around the touch pad and keyboard. The top cover is going to get another coat of base black, with orange carbon fiber around the boarder and in the center I'm not sure quite what I want to do yet. Definitely a mural of some sort-the original plan was to make a lightning bolt streaking across it. Maybe streak lighting across the whole top of the laptop? There is an accent piece that I can't get off that would break the lighting up-hmmm decisions decisions.....
So now I have a question for those of you who are kind enough to read through all my nonsense: How do you tell someone you love, someone that has done wonders for you-she's not only alienated you but your brother as well and makes us both want to never come around again? It's so hard to watch and listen to my brother take flack that is sort of merited but blown way out of proportion. And for me I'm just sick and tired of busting my ass and getting both "you're a wonderful kid and a hard worker" but then getting slapped across the face at the same time. It's confusing, irritating, and getting to the point where I just can't do it anymore-I can't risk the stress with my health and I just straight up don't have time to babysit and deal with someone who should be acting her age. Something is going on emotionally with her, and it's obvious there's a void she is trying to fill, but in doing so she's pushed me, my brother and some others away. So here's my question: do we confront her, do I tell her these things knowing full well it's just going to blow up in my face and become my fault somehow? Or do I just let it ride and walk on eggshells for the next two to three years until I can finally put a ton of distance between me and said person? I just don't know what to do, to be honest. This seems like it may be a simple situation, but I just can't get my head around that right now-I hate when things blow up in my face that I could have prevented. But at the same time I've always been one to just plow through situations, both good and bad, and not hesitate or try to skirt around them...... Ugh I just need to get back in school.
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A Good Christmas
The fog tonight is unreal! I'm glad we're home for the night. Christmas this year ended up being wonderful I have to admit. We had a few rocky moments, but that's life right? I'm not looking for perfection in my life just a little less unnecessary drama and BS. Especially the kind that seems to role through here like a hurricane every Christmas. Not this year though thankfully, and I made out like a bandit with the gifts too :)
I already posted what my dearest so amazingly did for me :) (thank you Jessie) but my parents and brother also spoiled me rotten this year. My Mom and Dad got me some nice new clothes that are comfy and warm, as well as some plain t-shirts so I don't look like a bum walking around school. They also gave me an air brush starter kit which I am ECSTATIC about and can't wait to start using it this evening. A new baton that is gorgeous, some guitar strings and a new hamper for school that zips up and is on wheels to make it easier on me carrying my stuff to and from school :)
Overall an excellent haul for a kid that really didn't want anything for Christmas in the first place. Not because of anti-Christmas sentiment or a bah humbug attitude but because I know times are hard and my parents do a lot for me and I would have been content without for sure. Not to say I'm ungreatful for the things I did receive I'm just saying-appreciated but not necessary this year. I think I've hit that age where the glamor and excitement of getting material possesions at Christmas is losing it's luster-the spirit of the season (which I've recently rediscovered) is what I look forward to the most.
My Dad and Brother and I did some running around today and hung out which was great. We went to Al's hobby shop so I could pick up the other things I needed for my Airbrush and then did some errands for my Dad and had lunch at Great Escape. If you have not gone to the Great Escape on Irving just east of Manheim road you should defininltey go. AMAZING food and equally matched service makes it a favorite stop for our family when we can. Then it was on to Blick art supply in Lincoln Park for paint and medium and some other odds and ends then the bank and home. Overall a good day with my Dad, Brother and behind the wheel of my baby! A car that needs a wash sooooo bad, she looks depressed right now :(
I have a favor to ask those who do read this blog. If you could please click this link and frequent it once a day or whenever you can I would appreciate it. It's a link to my Associate content page. I get paid some dough per 1000 clicks and if you could frequent this and maybe even subscribe to it via RSS that would be most appreciated too. Got something YOU need promoted? Let me know and I'll do what I can. Here's the Link. THANKS!
Well it's off to clear some space and start experimenting with my new airbrush!
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I already posted what my dearest so amazingly did for me :) (thank you Jessie) but my parents and brother also spoiled me rotten this year. My Mom and Dad got me some nice new clothes that are comfy and warm, as well as some plain t-shirts so I don't look like a bum walking around school. They also gave me an air brush starter kit which I am ECSTATIC about and can't wait to start using it this evening. A new baton that is gorgeous, some guitar strings and a new hamper for school that zips up and is on wheels to make it easier on me carrying my stuff to and from school :)
Overall an excellent haul for a kid that really didn't want anything for Christmas in the first place. Not because of anti-Christmas sentiment or a bah humbug attitude but because I know times are hard and my parents do a lot for me and I would have been content without for sure. Not to say I'm ungreatful for the things I did receive I'm just saying-appreciated but not necessary this year. I think I've hit that age where the glamor and excitement of getting material possesions at Christmas is losing it's luster-the spirit of the season (which I've recently rediscovered) is what I look forward to the most.
My Dad and Brother and I did some running around today and hung out which was great. We went to Al's hobby shop so I could pick up the other things I needed for my Airbrush and then did some errands for my Dad and had lunch at Great Escape. If you have not gone to the Great Escape on Irving just east of Manheim road you should defininltey go. AMAZING food and equally matched service makes it a favorite stop for our family when we can. Then it was on to Blick art supply in Lincoln Park for paint and medium and some other odds and ends then the bank and home. Overall a good day with my Dad, Brother and behind the wheel of my baby! A car that needs a wash sooooo bad, she looks depressed right now :(
I have a favor to ask those who do read this blog. If you could please click this link and frequent it once a day or whenever you can I would appreciate it. It's a link to my Associate content page. I get paid some dough per 1000 clicks and if you could frequent this and maybe even subscribe to it via RSS that would be most appreciated too. Got something YOU need promoted? Let me know and I'll do what I can. Here's the Link. THANKS!
Well it's off to clear some space and start experimenting with my new airbrush!
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Christmas Day
I just finished wrapping all my gifts this year. Mom and Dad made out pretty well I gotta say. Mom has a few more things to unwrap than Dad does but they are small tokens. I really hope they're pleased with what Eric and I have bought them this year. They told us to keep it small so we did.
I'm excited to open my gifts from my parents for sure. At the same time though I can't help but think about all the people lining up for food pantries or that will go hungry on Christmas because they can't afford food and are having a hard time even getting food from a shelter. I cannot believe that our great country is in such as a state as we are now. I'm hoping and praying things start to level off and then get better, it breaks my heart to think about all the people out of work and out of their homes this year.
It also makes me feel guilty for what I do have, and that in turn makes me even more grateful for them. I was sitting in church last night for the first time since Easter 2008, and was amazed at how much I miss going to that church. The service was beautiful as always, but what struck me the most was the sermon from our senior pastor. Pastor Henry worked his humor and heart warming sermon qualities just like he always does. This time it was about 3 siblings in a dollar store looking for 2 gifts. One gift for their Mother and one gift for their Father and both had to be purchased with just two dollars. It made me snap out of this trance I've been in and realize a lot of things all at once that overwhelmed me. I've been hit all day with a flood of overwhelming emotion from memories of a time that has come and gone. Most of them were good memories and feelings but at the same time many of them were bad. Still the story in the sermon last night made me realize that all the times I'm considering bad really were not that bad. I still have a roof over my head, warm bed to sleep at night, two parents who are still together and take care of my brother and I as best as they can. They both work real hard at jobs that often make their lives impossible for them and for Eric and me. I've always had food on the table on Christmas day and every other day of the year for that matter. I've longed for necessities only once in my life, and it was seriously the most difficult part of my 20 years of life so far. I made it through though, with the support of my family and friends and my faith that things could not stay as bad as they were. There had to be light at the end of the tunnel, there just had to be-I was not going out just then.
I'm looking at my current health issues and the current state of our economy the same way. There just has to be light at the end of the tunnel, I believe there is and it's not that far off. We need to stick together and hold out for that sweet escape of this dark and narrow path we have put ourselves on. I believe with all my heart things will get better and soon-I hope it's enough.
I am a pretty content boy these days aside from the health thing-even that does not seem like a big deal to me. I've got a lot of great things going on. I passed all my classes this past semester, I've got amazing family and friends, food, clothing, shelter, and Jessie. Looking back on the past 6 months with her and then even the time before that when we were not official I can't believe I was that guy. I cannot believe how out of control and immature and just utterly stupid and obnoxious I was about a year ago. I'm not saying that I've completly lost those qualities, but I really do feel like they are lessened. Hell, I'm on Prednisone right now and can honestly say I have yet to have an intense emotional epsiode, violent or otherwise. I can attribute my strides to the profound influence that Jessie has had on my life, and how she has shown me the ligth at the end of some of my tunnels, and a love that sprouted with her untieing my shoes to get my attention and that is now starting to form in to something tangible for both of us. I've said that I loved several girls I've dated with, and for the most part I meant it whole heartedly. There's only been one before Jessie to really sweep me away in to her world but even she cannot measure up to what Jessie does to me. I can honestly say I've had these feelings in my heart once before, but not this intense and certainly not this appropriatley placed. My baby gets me, she's always there for me, and never backs down. I can count on her to help me walk this path of life step by step and not abandon me when times really get hard and I go in to one of my health recessions. Even when I'm crabby or pissed off she doesn't go running scared, instead she lets me curl up with her and just doing that brings such a sense of calm over me I cannot describe it in words. The L word is coming, I know it is. 6 months has come and we're stronger than ever-that's gotta say something. I can honestly say without any doubt in my heart that the idea of her being the one does not scare me in the slightest. Instead it makes my heart light and gives me excitment. 6 months is a little early to tell if we will make it throughout everything that will be coming at us, but in all seriousness I can see us staying strong and staying together no for a long time at this point. Merry Christmas Jessica Rose <3 You are the best thing to ever happen to me, and for Christmas this year I am totally content with just having someone like you in my life as my Christmas present. The other gifts are nice don't get me wrong, but to have you as my companion-especially in my current state-makes me the luckiest guy on the planet. Again, that you for all that you do for me.
I'm sorry if all of that was sappy, I get emotional during the holidays and especially near 4am on Christmas day. I hope everyone out there has a Merry Christmas and Happy Hollidays across the board.
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I'm excited to open my gifts from my parents for sure. At the same time though I can't help but think about all the people lining up for food pantries or that will go hungry on Christmas because they can't afford food and are having a hard time even getting food from a shelter. I cannot believe that our great country is in such as a state as we are now. I'm hoping and praying things start to level off and then get better, it breaks my heart to think about all the people out of work and out of their homes this year.
It also makes me feel guilty for what I do have, and that in turn makes me even more grateful for them. I was sitting in church last night for the first time since Easter 2008, and was amazed at how much I miss going to that church. The service was beautiful as always, but what struck me the most was the sermon from our senior pastor. Pastor Henry worked his humor and heart warming sermon qualities just like he always does. This time it was about 3 siblings in a dollar store looking for 2 gifts. One gift for their Mother and one gift for their Father and both had to be purchased with just two dollars. It made me snap out of this trance I've been in and realize a lot of things all at once that overwhelmed me. I've been hit all day with a flood of overwhelming emotion from memories of a time that has come and gone. Most of them were good memories and feelings but at the same time many of them were bad. Still the story in the sermon last night made me realize that all the times I'm considering bad really were not that bad. I still have a roof over my head, warm bed to sleep at night, two parents who are still together and take care of my brother and I as best as they can. They both work real hard at jobs that often make their lives impossible for them and for Eric and me. I've always had food on the table on Christmas day and every other day of the year for that matter. I've longed for necessities only once in my life, and it was seriously the most difficult part of my 20 years of life so far. I made it through though, with the support of my family and friends and my faith that things could not stay as bad as they were. There had to be light at the end of the tunnel, there just had to be-I was not going out just then.
I'm looking at my current health issues and the current state of our economy the same way. There just has to be light at the end of the tunnel, I believe there is and it's not that far off. We need to stick together and hold out for that sweet escape of this dark and narrow path we have put ourselves on. I believe with all my heart things will get better and soon-I hope it's enough.
I am a pretty content boy these days aside from the health thing-even that does not seem like a big deal to me. I've got a lot of great things going on. I passed all my classes this past semester, I've got amazing family and friends, food, clothing, shelter, and Jessie. Looking back on the past 6 months with her and then even the time before that when we were not official I can't believe I was that guy. I cannot believe how out of control and immature and just utterly stupid and obnoxious I was about a year ago. I'm not saying that I've completly lost those qualities, but I really do feel like they are lessened. Hell, I'm on Prednisone right now and can honestly say I have yet to have an intense emotional epsiode, violent or otherwise. I can attribute my strides to the profound influence that Jessie has had on my life, and how she has shown me the ligth at the end of some of my tunnels, and a love that sprouted with her untieing my shoes to get my attention and that is now starting to form in to something tangible for both of us. I've said that I loved several girls I've dated with, and for the most part I meant it whole heartedly. There's only been one before Jessie to really sweep me away in to her world but even she cannot measure up to what Jessie does to me. I can honestly say I've had these feelings in my heart once before, but not this intense and certainly not this appropriatley placed. My baby gets me, she's always there for me, and never backs down. I can count on her to help me walk this path of life step by step and not abandon me when times really get hard and I go in to one of my health recessions. Even when I'm crabby or pissed off she doesn't go running scared, instead she lets me curl up with her and just doing that brings such a sense of calm over me I cannot describe it in words. The L word is coming, I know it is. 6 months has come and we're stronger than ever-that's gotta say something. I can honestly say without any doubt in my heart that the idea of her being the one does not scare me in the slightest. Instead it makes my heart light and gives me excitment. 6 months is a little early to tell if we will make it throughout everything that will be coming at us, but in all seriousness I can see us staying strong and staying together no for a long time at this point. Merry Christmas Jessica Rose <3 You are the best thing to ever happen to me, and for Christmas this year I am totally content with just having someone like you in my life as my Christmas present. The other gifts are nice don't get me wrong, but to have you as my companion-especially in my current state-makes me the luckiest guy on the planet. Again, that you for all that you do for me.
I'm sorry if all of that was sappy, I get emotional during the holidays and especially near 4am on Christmas day. I hope everyone out there has a Merry Christmas and Happy Hollidays across the board.
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The Day Before Christmas Eve
Today was an adventurous day to say the least. I braved the weather and traffic this morning to go pick Jessie up and spend the day with her. The drive out was not as bad as I expected it to be, but there were several white knuckle moments. I drew heavily on the intense experience I have gain over the last 3 1/2 years of driving, especially the 200 plus miles a week I was logging behind the wheel commuting the first two years of school.
I picked my dearest up from her house in the middle of snow stricken Roselle and we shot up to Woodfield so I could grab her last minute Christmas present. I bought her a tea pot, tea, tea strainer for the pot, and a new fountain pen so that she has a nice pen to write all her pen pals on :) I think the pen was my favorite gift I bought her this year.
The last picture is of the beautiful stationary that my family bought her fro Christmas to use with her pen pals or whatever else she needs to write.
She bought me some more of my favorite tea, a tea timer and made me this incredibly warm and soft scarf that is sure to keep my neck and chest nice and cozy under my coat for this winter and many winters to come.
I cooked dinner tonight for Jessie and my family and made the ever popular staple of tacos which turned out splendidly for having to be in a small rush. We ate dinner and dessert and had some conversation and then opened gifts and hung out for a while. Then is was back on the road to take her home. Thankfully my Dad offered to drive in his '94 Ram which is fully equipped with 4 wheel drive-which we ended up needing desperately on Lake street once we were off the expressway. It was 10pm and they were just starting to get plows out on Lake street. Coming back down Lake street was even worse, the snow seemed to pile up higher on the east bound side for some reason. On the way back my Dad's brand new wipers failed at life so when we stopped to get gas he had to make on the fly modifications to get them to stay on.
I'm home now writing this instead of in a ditch on the side of the road writing this. It was totally worth it though in my opinion, I needed to see Jessie before Christmas and I hope dinner and the presents helped ease her sadness and anxiety about not having her Dad home from little rock yet. I just checked the website and it says his flight arrived. I'm hoping and praying he's home safe with them.
I think I've reached the point in my life where Christmas has taken on a whole new meaning. Instead of the usual thoughts of presents and food I keep finding myself continuing my thoughts of appreciating and thanksgiving for what and whom I have in my life. A warm place to sleep at night, a reliable car, a great job, enrollment in an excellent school, awesome family who I cannot live without, good friends both new and those I've know 13 years, and a girlfriend who lights up my life with so many different things it's not even funny. I am filled with contentment this year like I have never felt before. When my mother demanded I give her a list of things I "wanted for Christmas" it took several weeks to come up with 3 or 4 items and even longer to come up with the 9 things I did eventually ask for. My main staple was a new baton which has already arrived and it is gorgeous. I got it from Newland batons, who's quality and service is excellent and I would highly recommend buying from them if you don't know about them already. Here is the link to their website. They do all custom orders but sometimes have some already made that are shipped out in just 3 days. Even my custom order took only a week to get to me, like I said: they have AWESOME customer service.
I am so looking forward to Christmas day. Sitting at home with my family, playing some video games and watching some movies and just generally being a lazy cat the whole day. Tomorrow too aside from 9pm service at church. Anyone else going to be there?
I picked my dearest up from her house in the middle of snow stricken Roselle and we shot up to Woodfield so I could grab her last minute Christmas present. I bought her a tea pot, tea, tea strainer for the pot, and a new fountain pen so that she has a nice pen to write all her pen pals on :) I think the pen was my favorite gift I bought her this year.
The last picture is of the beautiful stationary that my family bought her fro Christmas to use with her pen pals or whatever else she needs to write.She bought me some more of my favorite tea, a tea timer and made me this incredibly warm and soft scarf that is sure to keep my neck and chest nice and cozy under my coat for this winter and many winters to come.
I cooked dinner tonight for Jessie and my family and made the ever popular staple of tacos which turned out splendidly for having to be in a small rush. We ate dinner and dessert and had some conversation and then opened gifts and hung out for a while. Then is was back on the road to take her home. Thankfully my Dad offered to drive in his '94 Ram which is fully equipped with 4 wheel drive-which we ended up needing desperately on Lake street once we were off the expressway. It was 10pm and they were just starting to get plows out on Lake street. Coming back down Lake street was even worse, the snow seemed to pile up higher on the east bound side for some reason. On the way back my Dad's brand new wipers failed at life so when we stopped to get gas he had to make on the fly modifications to get them to stay on.
I'm home now writing this instead of in a ditch on the side of the road writing this. It was totally worth it though in my opinion, I needed to see Jessie before Christmas and I hope dinner and the presents helped ease her sadness and anxiety about not having her Dad home from little rock yet. I just checked the website and it says his flight arrived. I'm hoping and praying he's home safe with them.
I think I've reached the point in my life where Christmas has taken on a whole new meaning. Instead of the usual thoughts of presents and food I keep finding myself continuing my thoughts of appreciating and thanksgiving for what and whom I have in my life. A warm place to sleep at night, a reliable car, a great job, enrollment in an excellent school, awesome family who I cannot live without, good friends both new and those I've know 13 years, and a girlfriend who lights up my life with so many different things it's not even funny. I am filled with contentment this year like I have never felt before. When my mother demanded I give her a list of things I "wanted for Christmas" it took several weeks to come up with 3 or 4 items and even longer to come up with the 9 things I did eventually ask for. My main staple was a new baton which has already arrived and it is gorgeous. I got it from Newland batons, who's quality and service is excellent and I would highly recommend buying from them if you don't know about them already. Here is the link to their website. They do all custom orders but sometimes have some already made that are shipped out in just 3 days. Even my custom order took only a week to get to me, like I said: they have AWESOME customer service.
I am so looking forward to Christmas day. Sitting at home with my family, playing some video games and watching some movies and just generally being a lazy cat the whole day. Tomorrow too aside from 9pm service at church. Anyone else going to be there?
Cleaned All Day
So tomorrow is our annual Pizza Party with my Mom's side of the family. One of my best friends is coming but we consider him a third Son and he definitely counts as family-mostly because I've know him so long. Matt has had my back longer than any other of my friends. He helped build our house during the great 2 year rehab our family under took in 2004. I met him back when I was in cub scouts, which at 20 years old seems like so far away it's not even funny. Matt and I have been through a lot together, both directly and indirectly. And of course how can I forget him making the trip across town to Children's Memorial when my brother was there after the accident every single day he possibly could, especially days when I could not make it. I'm not sure if he reads this or not but I just wanted to take a minute out to thank him from the bottom of my heart for always being there not only for me but for my family too. One of my many blessings in my life is to be surrounded by people as genuine and awesome as Matt is.
Getting back to my title, I literally tore the house apart by myself today and got it cleaned top to bottom. Bathrooms, hard wood and tile floors, counter tops, tables, couches, TVs, dust collector things we put out on display, baseboards- you name it I cleaned it. On top of watching the market with the big news released today, managing all of my blog stuff, working on my on going project to get my room and life in order, talking with my dearest, debating with a friend about ideas, shoveling snow, helping my Dad with his Face book, helping with the groceries, oh and writing this post. I did a ton of stuff today and can honestly sit here and say I'm exhausted for good reason on Christmas break. I'm not complaining here mind you, I just felt it necessary to spell out exactly what I did today for my own sake-lately I've been feeling so lazy it's not even funny. I love being on break and really did need some time off of school, but unless I'm going 24/7 feel like I'm a waste of space....is that bad?
Anyway, I've got three days of work starting tomorrow and I am sooo looking forward to the little extra on my paycheck to help offset Christmas shopping. I didn't do too bad this year as I managed to get everyone bought for well under what I projected I would need to spend. But my savings account did take a slight hit, as I'm sure everyone's savings accounts did, and I want to put the money back.
If anyone is looking for a new CD to listen to (on my other blog I've got a more in depth review up) Saving Abel's new self titled release has been rocking my stereo the past few days. They sound like a little bit of Nickleback mixed with some Silvertide mixed with some Candlebox (according to the Zune review of the album). My favorite cut on the album among others is 18 days, I've taught myself to play it already. The album is good from start to finish as it does not lose it's momentum at all.
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Getting back to my title, I literally tore the house apart by myself today and got it cleaned top to bottom. Bathrooms, hard wood and tile floors, counter tops, tables, couches, TVs, dust collector things we put out on display, baseboards- you name it I cleaned it. On top of watching the market with the big news released today, managing all of my blog stuff, working on my on going project to get my room and life in order, talking with my dearest, debating with a friend about ideas, shoveling snow, helping my Dad with his Face book, helping with the groceries, oh and writing this post. I did a ton of stuff today and can honestly sit here and say I'm exhausted for good reason on Christmas break. I'm not complaining here mind you, I just felt it necessary to spell out exactly what I did today for my own sake-lately I've been feeling so lazy it's not even funny. I love being on break and really did need some time off of school, but unless I'm going 24/7 feel like I'm a waste of space....is that bad?
Anyway, I've got three days of work starting tomorrow and I am sooo looking forward to the little extra on my paycheck to help offset Christmas shopping. I didn't do too bad this year as I managed to get everyone bought for well under what I projected I would need to spend. But my savings account did take a slight hit, as I'm sure everyone's savings accounts did, and I want to put the money back.
If anyone is looking for a new CD to listen to (on my other blog I've got a more in depth review up) Saving Abel's new self titled release has been rocking my stereo the past few days. They sound like a little bit of Nickleback mixed with some Silvertide mixed with some Candlebox (according to the Zune review of the album). My favorite cut on the album among others is 18 days, I've taught myself to play it already. The album is good from start to finish as it does not lose it's momentum at all.
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Christmas Shopping Complete
It has been one busy but fun day shopping with my dearest. I have all of my Christmas shopping done with the exception of one gift! AMAZING! I thought it would be much harder than that. I also bought several more things for my room to continue this whole get organized and stay organized New Years resolution. Yep, that's right, I'm officially declaring on my blog my New Year's resolution: Get organized, stay organized, stay productive.
So far so good in all truth. My grades this semester came back as follows:
Band: A
Conducting: B
Music History: B
Psych: C
Lessons: A
Political Science: A
Vocal Tech: B
Classical Ensemble: Pass
Term GPA: 3.158
Overall GPA: 3.059
The C in Psych killed my momentum slightly but overall I'm pretty proud of my grades this semseter. Living on campus really helped boost my studies significantly and Jessie was a big influence too. She got all A's and B's this semester (SOOOO PROUD) and is really doing great as well. It's nice to have someone there to study with and push you when you really need some motivation.
After our massive shopping extravaganza today Jess and I returned to her house to cook dinner. We made a big salad and I broiled chicken and it turned out to be a delicious meal :) Afterward we had cinnamon rolls (the Pillsbury kind) for dessert and curled up on the couch to watch old Christmas movies from the early to mid '90s which brought back lots of memories from being small.
So my attempts to keep getting published every day on the web is continuing. If anything it's giving me good practice for writing papers for school. I just love the idea of putting something out there and actually attracting people to read it.
Now to bed for some well earned sleep :)
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So far so good in all truth. My grades this semester came back as follows:
Band: A
Conducting: B
Music History: B
Psych: C
Lessons: A
Political Science: A
Vocal Tech: B
Classical Ensemble: Pass
Term GPA: 3.158
Overall GPA: 3.059
The C in Psych killed my momentum slightly but overall I'm pretty proud of my grades this semseter. Living on campus really helped boost my studies significantly and Jessie was a big influence too. She got all A's and B's this semester (SOOOO PROUD) and is really doing great as well. It's nice to have someone there to study with and push you when you really need some motivation.
After our massive shopping extravaganza today Jess and I returned to her house to cook dinner. We made a big salad and I broiled chicken and it turned out to be a delicious meal :) Afterward we had cinnamon rolls (the Pillsbury kind) for dessert and curled up on the couch to watch old Christmas movies from the early to mid '90s which brought back lots of memories from being small.
So my attempts to keep getting published every day on the web is continuing. If anything it's giving me good practice for writing papers for school. I just love the idea of putting something out there and actually attracting people to read it.
Now to bed for some well earned sleep :)
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So Here We Go
Day one of Christmas break has already come and gone, and even though it was cold and miserable outside I had a wonderful day just relaxing and hanging out with my Dad. I did get some things done around here though like starting the massive organization project I have going on in my room right now. I'm so sick and tired of being cluttered and un-organized and just generally a mess. I've found, as obvious and redundant as this is going to sound, that once I'm organized and don't have to think about where things are or remembering what to take everything becomes pretty much automated. At school in my dorm room I've set aside space for each day and keep everything I need for each specific day together, that way in the morning all I have to do is grab from that one space and go. Sure it takes some time to prep everything the night before and make sure that things are ready to go, but it's no different than getting my gym bag together for my workout or anything else for that matter. My goal is to do the same with all my junk here at home so that living between two spaces for the next couple of months will be a little less chaotic.
My Dad and I watched some Trick Shot Pool this evening and I gotta say it was pretty awesome. The game of pool is completely re-invented with Trick Shot and pretty much anything goes. I don't fully understand all of Trick Shot to be of any good with describing it to you but I will give it my best shot. Basically the player creates different shots using various props, a special set of pool balls, and different ways of shooting and using more than just the cue ball to get things going. For example one of the shots involved swinging the rack suspended from a tripod over the table and jumping 6 balls through the swinging rack every time it swung from left to right and sinking each ball in the left and right corner pockets on the opposite side of the table long ways. (I hope that makes sense). The shots were nothing short of elaborate and fun to watch, you definitely need a lot of skill and talent to pull off shots like these guys were cranking out.
Last night I decided to take on the endeavor of trying to blog for some sort of income. Seeing as how I have three weeks off of school I needed a project other than cleaning my room and eating lots of food and this was my solution. I'm looking for ways to make some extra dough without taking on a graveyard shift or adding any real serious obligations to my already overwhelmed schedule. With the way my health is right now too I don't need the burden of being employed somewhere that requires my body be in a specific place for a given amount of time. Besides Prairie Shore is good to me and I love working there, I just need a little extra something on the side. Something that is basically on my terms or at least flexible terms. So my first solution is to start blogging like a mad person, promote the living hell out of my stuff, join as many promotional and advertisement places I can walk my fingers and point my mouse towards. If anything it will give me good practice at writing original content and getting myself out there. It may be a long shot for sure but what else am I going to do for three weeks? I can only play so much video games and watch so many movies. If by the end of this wonderful break I'm on there is not a slight return on my efforts than I may just abandon the whole make money thing and just blog my heart out anyway-it's an addiction that I think is healthy. I've got some ideas I came up with this morning on meaningful blogs that have pretty much unlimited blogging potential if I'm smart about it. So far my first one has some kinks but I think with a little more time devoted I can work it all out.
My health remains unchanged and I apologize for the lack of information for those who want it. Due to the craziness of the end of the semester I had put off getting things taken care of with my liver specialist but finished up this past Saturday. Now I'm waiting on him to get my liver slides and review them and then call me and tell me what I have going on inside my stupid and totally inefficient body. I really do appreciate all the continued support, encouragement, thoughts and prayers.
Finally for tonight: a rant. I HATE Prednisone with a passion! I have no idea whatsoever why athletes would put themselves through steroids. Honestly the effects on my muscles are insignificant versus the nasty side effects and extreme hunger that is steroids. I have been so constantly hungry for the past month, and yes managed to get my weight down and keep it down, but still-I'm sitting here writing this feeling so hungry that I'm almost sick even though I've polished off a whole apple and 7 breaded mozzarella sticks myself. For some reason my usual just ignore it tactics are not working tonight and I'm climbing the walls. Just 3 more months and I'll hopefully be weaned off of this nasty stuff. Any athletes reading this and considering steroids or currently using steroids I think you're completely nuts and probably should get psycho evaluated and medicated. No offense.
If anyone knows of a way for me to land a position blogging professionally please give me a heads up-I would really appreciate it.
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Why I Love My Zune (review)
A REVIEWOn the Microsoft Zune
I'm going to take a break from rants, health updates and all the various other nonsense I put up on here and make my first serious review of a product and put it out on the interwebs.
I recently purchased a 120 gig Microsoft Zune from Newegg.com for the grand total of $259.02. The 80 gig is the same price for those that feel they don't need that much room. I always like having the option of keeping all my music with me at all times because I really only have things I listen to regularly in my library-with the exception of Christmas music.
The Ugly:
I'll start off first of all with the things I think are negative about the player. Please do not let this cause you to write the Zune off just yet.
First of all there is no clock on the thing at all. Which is not necessarily something I need but my IPOD and Creative Zen Vision M had one along with an alarm clock that was handy for those excursions I was not able to bring my cell phone along for. I know what you're thinking "just get a watch!" believe me I'm working on it.
The touch pad can be a little, well, touchy. It's a little over sensitive at the times you need it to be the least and under sensitive at the times you need it the most. I've owned my Zune a month now and have yet to master the sensitivity of it-but it's not impossible to handle it can just be cumbersome at times.
Battery life is lacking slightly. I wish I got a little more than 2 hours continuous playtime out of it, but then again this is a gripe I have with the current battery technology used in these devices. I'm no expert and certainly not smart enough to come up with a solution by any means-but this is something to keep in mind.
The Zune turns off in a funky way. You have to press and hold the play/pause button for 3 seconds to get it to turn off. This doesn't seem like it would be that big a deal right? Well if you don't press the button down with even pressure and firmly the back light will go off but the unit stays on. At the same time it may start playing again and then will not turn off at all. I've had my Zune sitting in my coat pocket, playing for no one only to bring it out of my coat pocket with a dead battery.
Charging is quick though. About an hour gets you a full battery when charging via USB cable from your computer.
No wall charger comes with the Zune, you have to order it separately. This is not a big deal for me however. I bought a wall charger for my Creative Zen and used it twice I think. Charging via USB cable from my laptop or desktop is just much more streamlined. I charge my phone the same way, I don't even know where my wall charger for my phone is.
The covers for the ear buds are a little cheap. I lost the first pair of three that came with my ZEN simply by sliding my ear buds in and out of a pocket. I super glued the second pair of three to them and every thing is fine now. Yes, that's right, super glued.
The coloration of the items is not the most asexual. I mean that in the least sexist way possible and simply from a review standpoint. If you're comfortable wearing hot pink ear bud covers (like I am) then this obviously is not a problem.
The artwork that comes along with the Zune by default on both the unit and the player are interesting and cool but not the most asexual thing either.
The Zune player requires all of your windows updates to be installed and your windows updates be continuous in order to install and run. This was a major problem for me when first starting out as I had disabled my windows updates due to consistent problems and system crashes after they happened. 6 hours worth the downloads and restarts and I was finally in business. My advice would be before you go to the store and buy a Zune do every single Windows update out there, and if you order if the net and have to wait for shipping do your windows updates then. It will save you a lot of time and headache with the install further down the road.
The Good.
First off it comes with everything you need to get started and it's all heavy duty stuff. The USB cable is thick and flexible and is plenty long enough, the covers for the contacts snap securely on to the USB cable and do not come off unless serious effort is put in to it.
The headphones sound amazing, even though they are ear buds. I've seriously never heard a pair of ear buds that sound this good no matter what the volume. Even blasting they barely clip or cause any other kind of problem.
The interface is extremely easy to use both on the unit and in the player. The navigation is simple and streamlined. Ipod users beware it does take a little adjustment at first-but I find it to be much less tiresome to use than an IPOD.
Syncing is done automatically or manually. I leave mine in automatically because the Zune player is constantly updating album art and info and when the Zune unit is plugged in these changes are reflected automatically on the player. Likewise anything you remove from your library and or the unit is kept up to date with zero effort from the user. Something I found to be a daunting task with both Itunes and Windows Media Player. Nothing was consistent in my library until I bought my Zune.
It's rugged and tough. Obviously any electronic that falls in to a toilet or flies from a fast moving vehicle probably doesn't stand a chance. I'm not willing to try either of those examples on my beloved Zune, but something tells me it would put up a good fight. The unit is very solid in your hands and just the right size, shape and thickness to hold easily.
The shuffle feature is amazing. I rarely have to skip through tracks in my play lists or artists-my Zune seriously seems to know what kind of mood I'm in and plays music specific to that. I have a friend who has had her Zune for quite a while now and she says the same thing.
If you are a current Itunes user and are worried about your music switching over, the Zune will read and PLAY your Itunes music without a problem. This has been tested extensively and there have been no problems.
So.....
Overall I give the Microsoft Zune a 9.5 of out 10. The small problems with it are just that: small. This is surely the new Ipod killer. Apple has nothing on Microsoft when it comes to MP3 players.
I hope this review was helpful. I also hope that I didn't offend any die hard Apple users. Personally I think Apple is a big waste of time and money but I can see why people are loyal to them as well.
Done, exhausted. Bring on the break.
Semester one of Junior year can officially be checked off the to do list of my life. It's been a grueling and exhausting 20 weeks and I am so glad to finally be at the holidays and on a nice long 3 week respite. So out of all my grades I only have two finals to report. The first is a Pass in my non-credit classical ensembles (Clarinet quartet) which is nice but does not count for very much. The second is a true milestone for me: an A in my private lessons! This is the first time I have ever seen anything higher than a B on my grade report for my clarinet lessons, and it feels both amazing and hard earned. I can honestly say that I have worked my ass off this semester on my Clarinet and really feel like I deserve an A. From the time and energy I have devoted to wind ensemble, to just about having my jury piece memorized-it feels sooo good to see that A. My jury performance was not perfect by any means, don't get me wrong. But it was much more solid and I felt much more confident standing on that stage than I ever have before-leaking ceiling included. The rest of my grades are still up in the air, so hopefully by my next post I will be able to report positive results for the first half of Junior year.
My health continues as per last update unfortunatley. With finals and juries and moving out and all of the other end of the semester stuff going on I really have kinda put my conditions on the back burner. I've continued to get in the gym every day but today this past week for one to two hours burning 800 calories consitantly and lifting weights. My weight has leveled off at 190 for right now, not bad after Thanksgiving and a week of a bad chest cold and no excercise. I can honestly say, aside from being tired, that I feel strong and healthy and hopeful still. The fax I have been waiting for is finally waiting for me at my place of employment and I am going to sign it and fax it right back first thing when I walk in tomorrow. With the holidays coming this could be drawn out even longer, so strap in with me guys-this is going to be a long haul. Even if I did not have school going on I have a feeling this would take just about as long as it is right now.
Jess and I are coming up on an amazing 6 months and we celebrated yesterday with an adventure to woodfield mall for some shopping and dinner at the cheesecake factory and a relaxing and nice evening back at school. My mother said it best-I have got a great partner in her. Call me optomistic but I really see a bright, loving and succesful future for both of us together. I know there will be hardships, struggles, fights and everything else that comes with the terriotory we're skirting around right now-but for the first time in my life and out of all the "relationships" I've ever been in-this feels strong and real. There's very very little doubt in my heart and head, there's no tenseness or awkwardness. Our lives are becoming intertwined and it's only made us stronger. I cannot wait to see what life has in store for us!
This next week is going to be a relax, recharge, and reorganize week for me. A drive up to Gurnee to see my Great Grandmother and spend some time with my Father, room cleaning and lots of video game playing is on my agenda and I can't wait to not have to get out of my PJ's for a couple of days this next week. OH! If anyone reading this knows of a store that I can go to and find a backpack on wheels please tell me. I need to get my heavy as F**K backpack off my back before I need surgery for a new back. I don't want to order off the internet because I'm picky about my backpack selection-i.e. I want to go in to a place and open all the zippers up and make sure that it's big enough and all that.
end of line.
My health continues as per last update unfortunatley. With finals and juries and moving out and all of the other end of the semester stuff going on I really have kinda put my conditions on the back burner. I've continued to get in the gym every day but today this past week for one to two hours burning 800 calories consitantly and lifting weights. My weight has leveled off at 190 for right now, not bad after Thanksgiving and a week of a bad chest cold and no excercise. I can honestly say, aside from being tired, that I feel strong and healthy and hopeful still. The fax I have been waiting for is finally waiting for me at my place of employment and I am going to sign it and fax it right back first thing when I walk in tomorrow. With the holidays coming this could be drawn out even longer, so strap in with me guys-this is going to be a long haul. Even if I did not have school going on I have a feeling this would take just about as long as it is right now.
Jess and I are coming up on an amazing 6 months and we celebrated yesterday with an adventure to woodfield mall for some shopping and dinner at the cheesecake factory and a relaxing and nice evening back at school. My mother said it best-I have got a great partner in her. Call me optomistic but I really see a bright, loving and succesful future for both of us together. I know there will be hardships, struggles, fights and everything else that comes with the terriotory we're skirting around right now-but for the first time in my life and out of all the "relationships" I've ever been in-this feels strong and real. There's very very little doubt in my heart and head, there's no tenseness or awkwardness. Our lives are becoming intertwined and it's only made us stronger. I cannot wait to see what life has in store for us!
This next week is going to be a relax, recharge, and reorganize week for me. A drive up to Gurnee to see my Great Grandmother and spend some time with my Father, room cleaning and lots of video game playing is on my agenda and I can't wait to not have to get out of my PJ's for a couple of days this next week. OH! If anyone reading this knows of a store that I can go to and find a backpack on wheels please tell me. I need to get my heavy as F**K backpack off my back before I need surgery for a new back. I don't want to order off the internet because I'm picky about my backpack selection-i.e. I want to go in to a place and open all the zippers up and make sure that it's big enough and all that.
end of line.
Oh. No! Mom, I'm sorry.
Before everyone freaks out this is not about my liver condition. Things are unchanged still, I will post more info as I get it I promise.
Instead this is about a huge oversight I made in regards to my thank you post I made a while back. I mentioned a lot of important people in that post-my dad, brother, darling girlfriend etc. But I forgot one very important person to thank and talk about and that was my own Mother. How could I miss her? of all people? We've had some disagreements in the past but she's always been there for me when I needed her. She's always taken care of me when I was sick, she would take off work when I was younger and went with me for my tests when I was diagnosed with Crohns disease. She's helped bail me out of countless situations where I could have gotten in a lot of trouble. How could I have done this? I'm probably the world's worst son in all seriousness and I feel completley and totally horrible.
I'm so sorry mom from the bottom of my heart. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings or make you feel left out in any way. That post was literally a flood of emotions and I honestly have no idea why you didn't get a paragraph like the others did. I did have something to write about you and I have no idea why it didn't get typed in. Just please know and understand I didn't single you out and decide consciously not to put you in that post.
To Mom:
Thank you for always being there no matter what. For always taking care of me when I was and am sick. For always giving me a shoulder to cry on and an ear to talk to. For cooking me dinner. For staying up with me all night working on my science fair projects because I procrastinated until the very last minute. For helping me write those tedious papers and work on all those projects and keeping me working and motivated through it. Thank you for pushing me to practice my Clarinet when I really had no desire to. Thank you for listening to me complain about Walgreen's when I would come home at midnight and have to get up at 5am the next morning to make school on time. For coming in to check on me to make sure I'm awake and ready for work. For coming to all of my concerts, especially the ones that made your ears hurt. For loaning me cash when I needed it. For driving me all over the city trying to track down something I really wanted and then later helping to pay for it once we found it. For always forgiving the stupid things I say and do or have said and have done. Thank you for letting me drive all the time when I had my permit-I attribute the massive amount of time behind the wheel when I first started out to my driving skill today like none other. For supporting me when I wanted to play basketball in grade school-even though I mostly sat on the bench. For putting up with my bad attitude, and having patience with me when I'm on the roids. For going to bat for me with my father on certain issues, and having the patience to listen when I went to him first. For buying me McDonalds even when you would have rather consumed anything else. For always making opening Christmas presents exciting knowing that you would pick up things I never asked for but knew I would like anyway. For doing my laundry every weekend without me even asking. And for anything and everything else I've missed. Thank you. I love you very much Mom, and I'm so sorry I'm such a stupid male and have hurt you.
end of line
Instead this is about a huge oversight I made in regards to my thank you post I made a while back. I mentioned a lot of important people in that post-my dad, brother, darling girlfriend etc. But I forgot one very important person to thank and talk about and that was my own Mother. How could I miss her? of all people? We've had some disagreements in the past but she's always been there for me when I needed her. She's always taken care of me when I was sick, she would take off work when I was younger and went with me for my tests when I was diagnosed with Crohns disease. She's helped bail me out of countless situations where I could have gotten in a lot of trouble. How could I have done this? I'm probably the world's worst son in all seriousness and I feel completley and totally horrible.
I'm so sorry mom from the bottom of my heart. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings or make you feel left out in any way. That post was literally a flood of emotions and I honestly have no idea why you didn't get a paragraph like the others did. I did have something to write about you and I have no idea why it didn't get typed in. Just please know and understand I didn't single you out and decide consciously not to put you in that post.
To Mom:
Thank you for always being there no matter what. For always taking care of me when I was and am sick. For always giving me a shoulder to cry on and an ear to talk to. For cooking me dinner. For staying up with me all night working on my science fair projects because I procrastinated until the very last minute. For helping me write those tedious papers and work on all those projects and keeping me working and motivated through it. Thank you for pushing me to practice my Clarinet when I really had no desire to. Thank you for listening to me complain about Walgreen's when I would come home at midnight and have to get up at 5am the next morning to make school on time. For coming in to check on me to make sure I'm awake and ready for work. For coming to all of my concerts, especially the ones that made your ears hurt. For loaning me cash when I needed it. For driving me all over the city trying to track down something I really wanted and then later helping to pay for it once we found it. For always forgiving the stupid things I say and do or have said and have done. Thank you for letting me drive all the time when I had my permit-I attribute the massive amount of time behind the wheel when I first started out to my driving skill today like none other. For supporting me when I wanted to play basketball in grade school-even though I mostly sat on the bench. For putting up with my bad attitude, and having patience with me when I'm on the roids. For going to bat for me with my father on certain issues, and having the patience to listen when I went to him first. For buying me McDonalds even when you would have rather consumed anything else. For always making opening Christmas presents exciting knowing that you would pick up things I never asked for but knew I would like anyway. For doing my laundry every weekend without me even asking. And for anything and everything else I've missed. Thank you. I love you very much Mom, and I'm so sorry I'm such a stupid male and have hurt you.
end of line
3 days out, bring on the break
Things continue to move like clock work, even though this week seemed to drag on and on. I'm all caught up and ready to go in my classes and cannot wait to get the finals over and done with-not to mention my jury which is going to kick ass this year no doubt. I'm not even that nervous about anything going on next week, surprisingly not even my jury-which is usually an extreme source of anxiety for me this time of year. I really have no other explanation for my confidence this year other than I've worked very hard at it and honestly have given it my everything. I really like the piece I'm doing which always helps, and making the Wind Ensemble this year has proven to myself that I can handle being a musician. This is what I love to do and teaching music is the only thing I can see myself doing for the rest of my life.
Right now I'm sitting in our student center waiting for my dearest to get out of her last German class for the year, hoping that I will keep my food down this afternoon. I woke up this morning with my Crohns acting up, my chest cold continuing although subsided for the most part, and total exhaustion taking over my body and my brain. Tomorrow after work I plan on coming home, changing immediately in to my pajamas, making some tea and sitting on the couch under a blanket to watch tv with my father before and after dinner. TOTAL VEG NIGHT? I think yes :D and possibly some long distance video games with the brother if he's around.
As for a liver problem update I really have nothing to tell you all. There is really no new news to post here. I have not honestly had a chance to get the ball rolling with getting my slides transferred or make phone calls or anything. My health always picks the dumbest times to give me hell, and right now school has to come first. Next week I will have plenty of time between tests and my Jury to make phone calls and get all this together for after the new year. I'm still going strong aside from being totally exhausted from all this work and such so no worries here. Again thank you to all for the continued prayers and support.
end of line.
Right now I'm sitting in our student center waiting for my dearest to get out of her last German class for the year, hoping that I will keep my food down this afternoon. I woke up this morning with my Crohns acting up, my chest cold continuing although subsided for the most part, and total exhaustion taking over my body and my brain. Tomorrow after work I plan on coming home, changing immediately in to my pajamas, making some tea and sitting on the couch under a blanket to watch tv with my father before and after dinner. TOTAL VEG NIGHT? I think yes :D and possibly some long distance video games with the brother if he's around.
As for a liver problem update I really have nothing to tell you all. There is really no new news to post here. I have not honestly had a chance to get the ball rolling with getting my slides transferred or make phone calls or anything. My health always picks the dumbest times to give me hell, and right now school has to come first. Next week I will have plenty of time between tests and my Jury to make phone calls and get all this together for after the new year. I'm still going strong aside from being totally exhausted from all this work and such so no worries here. Again thank you to all for the continued prayers and support.
end of line.
It may be cliche but I need to put this up
I've spent a lot of time today sitting in my room thinking about all the amazing things God has sent to me over the years. Opportunities I've both missed and taken advantage of, people in and out of my life, people that have been steadfast in their loyalty, trust, respect and just overall love that never ceases to amaze me. It means a lot to me knowing I have friends and family that are willing to do anything for me, it humbles me and helps keep me centered and focused in so many ways. My drive for success and how hard I do work is not just for me in all honesty, behind all this momentum I have generated are the people that push me every day-the people I absolutely cannot let down under any circumstances. That kind of pressure ordinarily would cripple me, but lately its been my source of incredible strength, steadiness and drive. When I came home 2 weeks ago and had to tell my parents I was sick, there was nothing they nor I could do to fix it, and that I will most likely need a liver within 10 years-that was honestly the hardest thing I've had to do in a long time. Seeing the look of immense fear and frustration on my Fathers face was painful to watch. I wanted to shout April Fools! or crack a joke or something, anything to make him stop that. I felt like I had let him down in some way, that my condition was not only crippling my fragile and unwritten future but also his in some way. In all reality he was simply feeling a sense of complete helplessness within the situation. He wanted and still keeps trying to come up with ways to fix this for me, to take all this suffering and pain and hardship away from his Son.
My Father is surely one of those people I absolutely cannot let down. Not with my health, not with my school work, my music, and certainly not with my future. My Dad has literally been through hell and back for our family, he works his ass off at a job that no one else really cares about, and when it comes right down to it I know my Father has my back no matter what. He has always been there for me and my brother, even when working those crazy ass shifts when we were little, he always found time for us. I'm not just working out and taking care of myself, I'm doing it for him too. So he can see me grow up and become a man-I only hope I can be the kind of man he wants me to be.
My brother is seriously my best friend in the whole world. He's at the top of the list along with Jessie and Tommy. I've watched him fight for his life and literally pull himself up out of a hole by his own will. He came back to us from a 2 week long drug induced coma, and even though I find him strange sometimes seeing that kind of strength in my brother changed something inside of me for the better and for good. I'm not doing this just for me, I'm doing this for him too.
Jessica. Where do I even start? You continue to amaze me every single day. The support and encouragement you have brought to me over the past almost year has been stronger and more life changing than anything I have ever experienced. Just knowing that someone who is as gorgeous, sexy and wonderful as you is behind me and believes in me gives me more power than I know what to do with sometimes. I've said I love you to two other girls in my life and meant it whole heartedly but honestly never felt anything in return from it. No one has ever stared me in the face with courage and determination and snapped me out of my trance. No one has ever had to guts to stand by me when times got hard like this, at least not to this extent. You always seem to know what to do or say to make me snap back to reality and get back on track. Your hand is always there for me in my moments of total weakness and disparity, and you never forget the person I am outside of those moments-even when I completely lose sight of it.
Julianna has also been an amazing help this semester. From getting up early as hell to go with me to work out, to keeping me focused on the music history encounter and not on being pissed off, to just making sure I know I have friends around. The more we talk and the more I get to know you, the more I like you J for serious. You are an awesome person and incredible musician and I really hope we stay in touch after college.
To the rest of my people. My family at church, my friends at school, and my friends all over the globe thank you. Thank you for your support, words of encouragement, and just words of kindness. It comforts me very much knowing I have you all behind me.
Tonight the Turkey and food was spectacular and as I was sitting at the table scarfing down my third helping of all the delicious food I could not help but feel not only content with my life but also like I've found a grove. I've found my rhythm and know what I have to do. I can only describe it as feeling like a frieght train. Once I really get rolling its going to be impossible to stop me, and believe me I'm rolling. I've already come down 10 pounds and continue to lose the weight-granted most likely not this week because of the holiday. My plan continues steady though, I will lose this weight, I will keep it off, I will bring my body fat percentage down so that when I do indeed need the liver I can be sure I've done all I can to make the procedure a success. I WILL NOT FAIL. I can honestly promise every single person in my life that I will not let this get the best of me, certainly not without a fight. If I'm going down in 10 years then I'm gonig down swinging as hard and as fast as I possibly can.
I seriously am surrounded by the finest and most inspiring people I could possibly imagine. You all are so wonderful and I am thankful beyond measure to be so blessed. Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
hang tough.
My Father is surely one of those people I absolutely cannot let down. Not with my health, not with my school work, my music, and certainly not with my future. My Dad has literally been through hell and back for our family, he works his ass off at a job that no one else really cares about, and when it comes right down to it I know my Father has my back no matter what. He has always been there for me and my brother, even when working those crazy ass shifts when we were little, he always found time for us. I'm not just working out and taking care of myself, I'm doing it for him too. So he can see me grow up and become a man-I only hope I can be the kind of man he wants me to be.
My brother is seriously my best friend in the whole world. He's at the top of the list along with Jessie and Tommy. I've watched him fight for his life and literally pull himself up out of a hole by his own will. He came back to us from a 2 week long drug induced coma, and even though I find him strange sometimes seeing that kind of strength in my brother changed something inside of me for the better and for good. I'm not doing this just for me, I'm doing this for him too.
Jessica. Where do I even start? You continue to amaze me every single day. The support and encouragement you have brought to me over the past almost year has been stronger and more life changing than anything I have ever experienced. Just knowing that someone who is as gorgeous, sexy and wonderful as you is behind me and believes in me gives me more power than I know what to do with sometimes. I've said I love you to two other girls in my life and meant it whole heartedly but honestly never felt anything in return from it. No one has ever stared me in the face with courage and determination and snapped me out of my trance. No one has ever had to guts to stand by me when times got hard like this, at least not to this extent. You always seem to know what to do or say to make me snap back to reality and get back on track. Your hand is always there for me in my moments of total weakness and disparity, and you never forget the person I am outside of those moments-even when I completely lose sight of it.
Julianna has also been an amazing help this semester. From getting up early as hell to go with me to work out, to keeping me focused on the music history encounter and not on being pissed off, to just making sure I know I have friends around. The more we talk and the more I get to know you, the more I like you J for serious. You are an awesome person and incredible musician and I really hope we stay in touch after college.
To the rest of my people. My family at church, my friends at school, and my friends all over the globe thank you. Thank you for your support, words of encouragement, and just words of kindness. It comforts me very much knowing I have you all behind me.
Tonight the Turkey and food was spectacular and as I was sitting at the table scarfing down my third helping of all the delicious food I could not help but feel not only content with my life but also like I've found a grove. I've found my rhythm and know what I have to do. I can only describe it as feeling like a frieght train. Once I really get rolling its going to be impossible to stop me, and believe me I'm rolling. I've already come down 10 pounds and continue to lose the weight-granted most likely not this week because of the holiday. My plan continues steady though, I will lose this weight, I will keep it off, I will bring my body fat percentage down so that when I do indeed need the liver I can be sure I've done all I can to make the procedure a success. I WILL NOT FAIL. I can honestly promise every single person in my life that I will not let this get the best of me, certainly not without a fight. If I'm going down in 10 years then I'm gonig down swinging as hard and as fast as I possibly can.
I seriously am surrounded by the finest and most inspiring people I could possibly imagine. You all are so wonderful and I am thankful beyond measure to be so blessed. Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
hang tough.
Thank You Thank You Thank You
Hi everyone,
I just wanted to take a moment and post my most sincerest thanks and let you all know how much I appreciate the kind words of encouragement! I'm always a little apprehensive about talking about my health problems because I know there are people far worse off than I am-but at the same time this is a very easy way to keep everyone concerned as up to date as possible.
Again Thank You for all the support, thoughts and prayers. Life is never an easy journey as I'm finding out first hand right now. My spirits and resolve are high though and I'm not going to give up, nor am I going to take this sitting down. My efforts will continue to get my body in to shape, keep eating better, and gain as much knowledge about all of this as possible. As my private Clarinet teacher said in an email to me this morning, medical technology is going to change drastically over the next ten years. Most of my hopes are riding on that thought, that some day soon there will be much more information available about the conditions I have and maybe even a cure. I'm still going to continue to be realistic and keep my head level and take one day at a time, just in case a cure never does come along.
I love you all!
I just wanted to take a moment and post my most sincerest thanks and let you all know how much I appreciate the kind words of encouragement! I'm always a little apprehensive about talking about my health problems because I know there are people far worse off than I am-but at the same time this is a very easy way to keep everyone concerned as up to date as possible.
Again Thank You for all the support, thoughts and prayers. Life is never an easy journey as I'm finding out first hand right now. My spirits and resolve are high though and I'm not going to give up, nor am I going to take this sitting down. My efforts will continue to get my body in to shape, keep eating better, and gain as much knowledge about all of this as possible. As my private Clarinet teacher said in an email to me this morning, medical technology is going to change drastically over the next ten years. Most of my hopes are riding on that thought, that some day soon there will be much more information available about the conditions I have and maybe even a cure. I'm still going to continue to be realistic and keep my head level and take one day at a time, just in case a cure never does come along.
I love you all!
SO HERE'S MY LIFE
This morning's appointment was both productive and discouraging. I most likely have a condition called Primary Sclerosing Cholangitis or PSC. PSC is a disease that goes hand in hand with my auto immune disorder and more specifically my Crohns and colitis. There is no known cause or cure for this condition. To sum up all the medical jargon: the bile ducts leading away from my liver are inflamed. They are inflamed because my immune system is attacking them for no reason whatsoever. The bile ducts will scar further which will cause my liver to gradually get more sick over time. This will eventually lead to complete liver failure. The doctor I saw today, who was awesome, gave me 10 years before I need to have a liver transplant. Not the greatest evalutation-especially at the age of 20. The good news is the survival rate with this condition is very high, and my doctor seemed very confident that I'm going to be okay. He layed out some tests that I need to under go within the next couple of weeks, and had a very positive outlook on my overall treatment. However, this is all a preliminary diagnosis at this point; there was a problem getting my records to his office. He is going to lock everything down and give me an over the phone evaluation within a week or two and we will go from there. I am going to continue fighting, I've made it this far and there is no reason I should give up now.
I have to admit keeping a positive attitude about all of this is very hard, but I'm trying to be a good boy. My Jessie was simply amazing today like she always is. I hate leaning on her so much, but my moments of weakness are almost impossible to avoid right now. I'm working on it though, very hard.
I DON'T HAVE TIME TO BE SICK! I'M A MUSIC EDUCATION MAJOR!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I have to admit keeping a positive attitude about all of this is very hard, but I'm trying to be a good boy. My Jessie was simply amazing today like she always is. I hate leaning on her so much, but my moments of weakness are almost impossible to avoid right now. I'm working on it though, very hard.
I DON'T HAVE TIME TO BE SICK! I'M A MUSIC EDUCATION MAJOR!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
The Eve of a Big Day
Today is the eve of my big day tomorrow and I am admittedly a little scared. The news that I receive tomorrow will affect the rest of my life in many ways-even if the verdict is not liver transplant. If the answer is not liver transplant, my medications will again switch for the third time since I've been diagnosed with Crohns and Colitis- a transition that will more than likely be rough.
I've been proactive with my situation though, more so than I ever thought I would be. I've hit the gym just about every day for the past three weeks, I've changed my diet and cut down my caloric intake which has yielded a 10 pound loss in 2 weeks-something hard to achieve while taking steroids. Drinking tea, especially the rooibos, has helped a great deal too. Thanks to my dearest for getting me hooked on teas :)
It's amazing how exercising can drastically alter just about everything. It has given me more focus, more stamina throughout the day, a much more level head, helped keep my emotions and aggressiveness under control-another thing that is almost impossible under the influence of the prednisone. I'm attributing my hopefulness for tomorrow to several factors, one of them being the exercise and accomplishments I've been able to make in a short amount of time.
The most important and influential factor in my life and my outlook on tomorrow is my Jessie. She has been unbelievably wonderful, supportive, understanding and is just amazing in every single way. This past week, when I've had time to think or even when I'm zoning out in class I've been counting my blessing and being thankful for all the wonderful things in my life-a week early I know but it seems to fit right now. Jessica Rose Perham is the single best thing that has ever happened to me. She has taken me places and helped me through things I never thought would be possible. Complete change takes time, and having someone with such patience and kindness to calm my insides, and quite the noise in the back of my head is truely one of the greatest blessings in my life. She's the woman of my dreams and continues to amaze me ever single day I wake up and kiss her a good morning. I've never ever had someone stand next to me through anything outside of my family like she does. Someone who doesn't run away scared when I have my moments of anger or when I'm feeling weak. I've never had someone wrap her arms around me and tell me it's going to be okay-and I believe her. I trust her more than I've ever trusted anyone in my life. We make each other stronger, we support each other in every single way. The amount of time and energy we put in to our relationship is enormous, but it's not without great reward. I seriously do not know nor want to think about where I would be or how I would be without having her in my life. Without her support, live, caring and sweetness I honestly believe that I would not be as well off as I am right now-all things considered. Once again Jessie, thank you so very very very very much from the bottom of my heart for being my rock, my voice of reason, and my angel. (Yes I know I typed LIVE out instead of LOVE. It's our in between word. we're past being in like with each other but still on the cusp of being in love with eachother so we compromised :) )
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I've been proactive with my situation though, more so than I ever thought I would be. I've hit the gym just about every day for the past three weeks, I've changed my diet and cut down my caloric intake which has yielded a 10 pound loss in 2 weeks-something hard to achieve while taking steroids. Drinking tea, especially the rooibos, has helped a great deal too. Thanks to my dearest for getting me hooked on teas :)
It's amazing how exercising can drastically alter just about everything. It has given me more focus, more stamina throughout the day, a much more level head, helped keep my emotions and aggressiveness under control-another thing that is almost impossible under the influence of the prednisone. I'm attributing my hopefulness for tomorrow to several factors, one of them being the exercise and accomplishments I've been able to make in a short amount of time.
The most important and influential factor in my life and my outlook on tomorrow is my Jessie. She has been unbelievably wonderful, supportive, understanding and is just amazing in every single way. This past week, when I've had time to think or even when I'm zoning out in class I've been counting my blessing and being thankful for all the wonderful things in my life-a week early I know but it seems to fit right now. Jessica Rose Perham is the single best thing that has ever happened to me. She has taken me places and helped me through things I never thought would be possible. Complete change takes time, and having someone with such patience and kindness to calm my insides, and quite the noise in the back of my head is truely one of the greatest blessings in my life. She's the woman of my dreams and continues to amaze me ever single day I wake up and kiss her a good morning. I've never ever had someone stand next to me through anything outside of my family like she does. Someone who doesn't run away scared when I have my moments of anger or when I'm feeling weak. I've never had someone wrap her arms around me and tell me it's going to be okay-and I believe her. I trust her more than I've ever trusted anyone in my life. We make each other stronger, we support each other in every single way. The amount of time and energy we put in to our relationship is enormous, but it's not without great reward. I seriously do not know nor want to think about where I would be or how I would be without having her in my life. Without her support, live, caring and sweetness I honestly believe that I would not be as well off as I am right now-all things considered. Once again Jessie, thank you so very very very very much from the bottom of my heart for being my rock, my voice of reason, and my angel. (Yes I know I typed LIVE out instead of LOVE. It's our in between word. we're past being in like with each other but still on the cusp of being in love with eachother so we compromised :) )
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