I just finished wrapping all my gifts this year. Mom and Dad made out pretty well I gotta say. Mom has a few more things to unwrap than Dad does but they are small tokens. I really hope they're pleased with what Eric and I have bought them this year. They told us to keep it small so we did.
I'm excited to open my gifts from my parents for sure. At the same time though I can't help but think about all the people lining up for food pantries or that will go hungry on Christmas because they can't afford food and are having a hard time even getting food from a shelter. I cannot believe that our great country is in such as a state as we are now. I'm hoping and praying things start to level off and then get better, it breaks my heart to think about all the people out of work and out of their homes this year.
It also makes me feel guilty for what I do have, and that in turn makes me even more grateful for them. I was sitting in church last night for the first time since Easter 2008, and was amazed at how much I miss going to that church. The service was beautiful as always, but what struck me the most was the sermon from our senior pastor. Pastor Henry worked his humor and heart warming sermon qualities just like he always does. This time it was about 3 siblings in a dollar store looking for 2 gifts. One gift for their Mother and one gift for their Father and both had to be purchased with just two dollars. It made me snap out of this trance I've been in and realize a lot of things all at once that overwhelmed me. I've been hit all day with a flood of overwhelming emotion from memories of a time that has come and gone. Most of them were good memories and feelings but at the same time many of them were bad. Still the story in the sermon last night made me realize that all the times I'm considering bad really were not that bad. I still have a roof over my head, warm bed to sleep at night, two parents who are still together and take care of my brother and I as best as they can. They both work real hard at jobs that often make their lives impossible for them and for Eric and me. I've always had food on the table on Christmas day and every other day of the year for that matter. I've longed for necessities only once in my life, and it was seriously the most difficult part of my 20 years of life so far. I made it through though, with the support of my family and friends and my faith that things could not stay as bad as they were. There had to be light at the end of the tunnel, there just had to be-I was not going out just then.
I'm looking at my current health issues and the current state of our economy the same way. There just has to be light at the end of the tunnel, I believe there is and it's not that far off. We need to stick together and hold out for that sweet escape of this dark and narrow path we have put ourselves on. I believe with all my heart things will get better and soon-I hope it's enough.
I am a pretty content boy these days aside from the health thing-even that does not seem like a big deal to me. I've got a lot of great things going on. I passed all my classes this past semester, I've got amazing family and friends, food, clothing, shelter, and Jessie. Looking back on the past 6 months with her and then even the time before that when we were not official I can't believe I was that guy. I cannot believe how out of control and immature and just utterly stupid and obnoxious I was about a year ago. I'm not saying that I've completly lost those qualities, but I really do feel like they are lessened. Hell, I'm on Prednisone right now and can honestly say I have yet to have an intense emotional epsiode, violent or otherwise. I can attribute my strides to the profound influence that Jessie has had on my life, and how she has shown me the ligth at the end of some of my tunnels, and a love that sprouted with her untieing my shoes to get my attention and that is now starting to form in to something tangible for both of us. I've said that I loved several girls I've dated with, and for the most part I meant it whole heartedly. There's only been one before Jessie to really sweep me away in to her world but even she cannot measure up to what Jessie does to me. I can honestly say I've had these feelings in my heart once before, but not this intense and certainly not this appropriatley placed. My baby gets me, she's always there for me, and never backs down. I can count on her to help me walk this path of life step by step and not abandon me when times really get hard and I go in to one of my health recessions. Even when I'm crabby or pissed off she doesn't go running scared, instead she lets me curl up with her and just doing that brings such a sense of calm over me I cannot describe it in words. The L word is coming, I know it is. 6 months has come and we're stronger than ever-that's gotta say something. I can honestly say without any doubt in my heart that the idea of her being the one does not scare me in the slightest. Instead it makes my heart light and gives me excitment. 6 months is a little early to tell if we will make it throughout everything that will be coming at us, but in all seriousness I can see us staying strong and staying together no for a long time at this point. Merry Christmas Jessica Rose <3 You are the best thing to ever happen to me, and for Christmas this year I am totally content with just having someone like you in my life as my Christmas present. The other gifts are nice don't get me wrong, but to have you as my companion-especially in my current state-makes me the luckiest guy on the planet. Again, that you for all that you do for me.
I'm sorry if all of that was sappy, I get emotional during the holidays and especially near 4am on Christmas day. I hope everyone out there has a Merry Christmas and Happy Hollidays across the board.
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