New Blog
Also, if you haven't found blog it yet
Blog Moved
I just came to check if the link is working or not. Apologies for not making it direct properly
New Blog
Also, if you haven't found blog it yet
New Blog
Also, if you haven't found blog it yet
Blog Moved
Hey all.
I recently bought my own webspace and moved my blog there
www.blog.andrewpclarke.com
Please update accordingly
I'm still going to keep my blogger account until wodpress figures out how to fix the import bug that is going on.
later
I recently bought my own webspace and moved my blog there
www.blog.andrewpclarke.com
Please update accordingly
I'm still going to keep my blogger account until wodpress figures out how to fix the import bug that is going on.
later
HEALTH UPDATE! for those who are interested
Jessie and I went to see Dr. Flamm this past Friday (the 24th of April) and we walked out with excellent news:
I WILL NOT NEED A LIVER TRANSPLANT BEFORE AGE 30 OR AT ALL FOR THAT MATTER!
He has reviewed all of my stuff after having to fight with Dr. Jacobs office to get it and my records and biopsy point to one of two things. Option # 1: My Crohns disease has moved in to my liver and is causing problems-it’s 100% treatable. Option #2: I have come down with auto immune hepatitis which is not contagious or transmittable in any way. Basically my white blood cells have picked my liver as their next target. It’s 100% treatable, with a medication Dr. Jacobs took me off of a year ago, along with a low and short dose of prednisone.
In all seriousness this is the best news/21st birthday present I could ever receive. Just knowing I won’t have to go under the knife at some point for a liver transplant has lifted such a HUGE weight off of my shoulders I cannot possibly describe the feeling in words.
Oh by the way:
HAPPY 10 MONTHS JESSIE. I LOVE YOU!
It's Been A While
Well it's been over a month since I've last posted. School has been slowly eating away at my soul and I just have not had the urge to put something up on the interwebs.
First off a health situation update:
NO CHANGE.
Well I shouldn't say that. I had records faxed to Northwestern twice and even dropped them off in person once and they somehow are still not getting to the doctor that I need to take a look at them. The same guy I'm supposed to see this coming Friday morning. My Father and I talked to an administrator at Northwestern who promised to get back to us after looking in to why my phone calls are never returned and why my documents keep getting lost and why I am not being treated like a human being. I'm going in tomorrow (Friday) to see this Doctor and gauge whether or not I'm worth his time. If not then I am moving on finally. I probably should have left Northwestern in the dust a long time ago, but based on their reputation I blindly expected much better care.. Silly me. On too of all this, our insurance company has decided that I'm not longer turning 21. Instead I'm turning 14 or some ridiculous age AND they have dropped my coverage because I am no longer a full time student. Even though I got all the paperwork in that I needed to at the beginning of the year just like I always do. This country and it's health care system are so STUPID it's amazing people even get better when they are sick.
On a much lighter note, Jessie and I finally blurted out the "L" word and things continue to move along amazingly between us. I seriously don't know what I would do without her, especially now with all of this health stuff really becoming a big problem. She keeps me calm and brings a smile to my face and helps me remember that I'm going to be okay. Honestly I lose sight of that a lot, especially latley-but she's here and taking care of me. I could not ask for a more compassionate, gorgeous and sweet companion and feel truly blessed to have her in my life.
I've also hit a point where I am questioning my faith to an extreme I have never felt before. On the one hand I'm Christian, have been my whole life and can know and believe there is some higher power that governs our daily lives. But at the same time, why has he turned away from us? Why are there children starving, people dieing of HIV AIDS, cancer and going through needless suffering? I feel as though God may have turned his back to take a long break from the world-or he just is no longer here at all. That we're all on auto pilot until he returns to punish us for deviating from his plan the last time he was here. The galaxy is a big place, maybe somewhere else needs his attention more desperately? Why create something and then just leave it be? I just don't understand, and I'm having a hard time putting my faith and my life in the hands of someone or something that seems to have turned it's back on us.
Maybe it's just a phase I'm going through, maybe not though. Only time and experience will tell.
We conducted our last band today for conducting II. Cass middle school was phenomenal and seriously sounded better and played better than many high school and even some college bands I've heard. We also invited the area's 5th grade musicians to come and sit in on our band rehearsal last night, and they too were just amazing kids and amazing musicians at such a young age. It just re-affirms my want to teach out here in the suburbs, stay away from the city, and make sure my children have these kinds of opportunities. Even some of the "poor" towns and suburbs have got better school and music programs than CPS ever will. It makes me sad to think such a great city is at such a loss when it comes to education.
I've also hit a point in the year where I just don't feel like I can do this. Like I can be a great teacher, or any kind of teacher for that matter. That I suck so horribly at being a musician I should just quit and walk away and do everybody a favor. I know I can't and I know I've made huge leaps since being in college, but I still feel so inferior to my peers.
maybe more to come later
First off a health situation update:
NO CHANGE.
Well I shouldn't say that. I had records faxed to Northwestern twice and even dropped them off in person once and they somehow are still not getting to the doctor that I need to take a look at them. The same guy I'm supposed to see this coming Friday morning. My Father and I talked to an administrator at Northwestern who promised to get back to us after looking in to why my phone calls are never returned and why my documents keep getting lost and why I am not being treated like a human being. I'm going in tomorrow (Friday) to see this Doctor and gauge whether or not I'm worth his time. If not then I am moving on finally. I probably should have left Northwestern in the dust a long time ago, but based on their reputation I blindly expected much better care.. Silly me. On too of all this, our insurance company has decided that I'm not longer turning 21. Instead I'm turning 14 or some ridiculous age AND they have dropped my coverage because I am no longer a full time student. Even though I got all the paperwork in that I needed to at the beginning of the year just like I always do. This country and it's health care system are so STUPID it's amazing people even get better when they are sick.
On a much lighter note, Jessie and I finally blurted out the "L" word and things continue to move along amazingly between us. I seriously don't know what I would do without her, especially now with all of this health stuff really becoming a big problem. She keeps me calm and brings a smile to my face and helps me remember that I'm going to be okay. Honestly I lose sight of that a lot, especially latley-but she's here and taking care of me. I could not ask for a more compassionate, gorgeous and sweet companion and feel truly blessed to have her in my life.
I've also hit a point where I am questioning my faith to an extreme I have never felt before. On the one hand I'm Christian, have been my whole life and can know and believe there is some higher power that governs our daily lives. But at the same time, why has he turned away from us? Why are there children starving, people dieing of HIV AIDS, cancer and going through needless suffering? I feel as though God may have turned his back to take a long break from the world-or he just is no longer here at all. That we're all on auto pilot until he returns to punish us for deviating from his plan the last time he was here. The galaxy is a big place, maybe somewhere else needs his attention more desperately? Why create something and then just leave it be? I just don't understand, and I'm having a hard time putting my faith and my life in the hands of someone or something that seems to have turned it's back on us.
Maybe it's just a phase I'm going through, maybe not though. Only time and experience will tell.
We conducted our last band today for conducting II. Cass middle school was phenomenal and seriously sounded better and played better than many high school and even some college bands I've heard. We also invited the area's 5th grade musicians to come and sit in on our band rehearsal last night, and they too were just amazing kids and amazing musicians at such a young age. It just re-affirms my want to teach out here in the suburbs, stay away from the city, and make sure my children have these kinds of opportunities. Even some of the "poor" towns and suburbs have got better school and music programs than CPS ever will. It makes me sad to think such a great city is at such a loss when it comes to education.
I've also hit a point in the year where I just don't feel like I can do this. Like I can be a great teacher, or any kind of teacher for that matter. That I suck so horribly at being a musician I should just quit and walk away and do everybody a favor. I know I can't and I know I've made huge leaps since being in college, but I still feel so inferior to my peers.
maybe more to come later
It's Been A While
One week out from spring break, and it cannot come any faster. Only two more days of conducting left having to waste time listening to Sue "teach". Then it's back to Professor Grimes and back to real learning and real conducting and real music. I'm so glad I wasted the past 7 or so weeks.....
My health situation continues not to change in any way shape or form and I'm done caring in all honestly. This doesn't seem to be that big of a problem to anyone in the medical field. In fact I was faxed someone's mammogram reports along with my records. And not just one or two, when I say reports I mean reports. At least 4 plus. Totally incompetent and ridiculous to say the least. I'm calling Monday, and then I'm done if I don't have answers and or results. I'm beyond pissed off.
Band tour this year was awesome in it's own right. Before going to bed I felt like it had been a little less exciting than last year, but looking back now it was still a good time with good friends. It's been way too long since I've hung out with the guys old and new.
Housing situations have been straightened out and I'm living with my Buddy Chris next year in a campus house with two other guys. I consider Chris one of my best friends, and I'm actually looking forward to the situation next year, and not having to worry about my stuff disappearing or being used by random people.
More to come later...possibly
My health situation continues not to change in any way shape or form and I'm done caring in all honestly. This doesn't seem to be that big of a problem to anyone in the medical field. In fact I was faxed someone's mammogram reports along with my records. And not just one or two, when I say reports I mean reports. At least 4 plus. Totally incompetent and ridiculous to say the least. I'm calling Monday, and then I'm done if I don't have answers and or results. I'm beyond pissed off.
Band tour this year was awesome in it's own right. Before going to bed I felt like it had been a little less exciting than last year, but looking back now it was still a good time with good friends. It's been way too long since I've hung out with the guys old and new.
Housing situations have been straightened out and I'm living with my Buddy Chris next year in a campus house with two other guys. I consider Chris one of my best friends, and I'm actually looking forward to the situation next year, and not having to worry about my stuff disappearing or being used by random people.
More to come later...possibly
What College Ought to Be
The events of the past four weeks, and lets face it, the past six semesters have caused me to feel increasing disappointed in my college choice. The massive amount of time and money I feel like I'm wasting here is causing me to wish I had gone to Vandercook or Northeastern. But no, I was "guaranteed" and "good education here at Elmhurst College, what college ought to be."
Lets start at the beginning with the administrative end of this institution, or lack there of. As an incoming freshmen I, and my mother, were both told that they would help us make sure my account was in good standing all the time-and if there was a problem I would be notified in enough time to rectify the problem before I was either charged the 1% late fee or not allowed to register for classes or attend class all together. Low and behold my spring semester of my Freshmen year I received a statement saying I owed nothing on my account and being the nieve Freshmen I was did not check in to it; figuring that the college knew what they were doing and if there was indeed a problem they would tell me about it. It did seem a little strange to me so I went in to check it out the last day we were allowed to make payments before our enrollment was revoked and I found out I owed the enitre semester's tuition. I had to borrow emergency money from my parents in order to stay at Elmhurst-that should have been my first clue. Now I realize that I'm older and should be able to handle my responsibilites-and I definitley can-this must have been one of life's lessons on you can't trust anyone but yourself to take care of business no matter how important it is. There are people in my life I know I can count on to help me when I need it, none of them work in the administrative areas of my school.
Lesson number 2: Adjunct teachers and teachers obviously less qualified than I to be teaching at this college.
It all started with English 106, the class that was supposed to be a composition II class but it ended up being a service project helping people who contracted AIDS. NOT what I signed up for and definitley an uncomfortable semester for me personally for reasons I would rather not get in to on this post. I signed up for an ENGLISH COMPOSITION class....wait a minute....why are we driving in to wheaton to volunteer time I don't have to sit and chat with people who have AIDS? Now I know this might sound harsh and insensitive on my part, and I don't have anything against these people in any way, I just did not have the time to do this so called "service" project when I should have been practicing or focusing on my MUSIC EDUCATION degree.
Sophomre year wasn't bad as far as getting nothing out of my classes, aside from the religious studies class I had to take so lets move on ->
Junior Year, our current year:
Fall semester I had a psychology teach who sat across from me at her desk and told me and I quote "I honestly don't care about this class, but I expect you to give me 100% of your time and attention" .... Strike 2 Elmhurst College. Why did you hire this woman?
Current semester, Spring semester:
So far, week three has been both a nightmare and a lot of fun all at the same time. I have to admit that 90% of my teachers this semester make me feel like I'm right where I should be and are not wasting my time. However, in conducting, I feel like the two hours a week we spend in there right now is not only a waste of time but is also killing my brain cells slowly and painfully. The warmup exercises we do has had no benefit to my conducting education whatsoever. Lets not forget, the first day of class I was read the table of contents.....by my "professor"....... I'm holding that against her right now until-yes I AM. On top of that she brought in someone to teach basically a crash course in music history 1 which I also did not get anything out of whatsoever. What college ought to be huh? For those of you who are indeed Sue fans I apologize if this struck a nerve-I just fail to see how she of any benefit to my education here. We got more out of Professor Grimes the first week than we have in three out of Sue.
Lets start at the beginning with the administrative end of this institution, or lack there of. As an incoming freshmen I, and my mother, were both told that they would help us make sure my account was in good standing all the time-and if there was a problem I would be notified in enough time to rectify the problem before I was either charged the 1% late fee or not allowed to register for classes or attend class all together. Low and behold my spring semester of my Freshmen year I received a statement saying I owed nothing on my account and being the nieve Freshmen I was did not check in to it; figuring that the college knew what they were doing and if there was indeed a problem they would tell me about it. It did seem a little strange to me so I went in to check it out the last day we were allowed to make payments before our enrollment was revoked and I found out I owed the enitre semester's tuition. I had to borrow emergency money from my parents in order to stay at Elmhurst-that should have been my first clue. Now I realize that I'm older and should be able to handle my responsibilites-and I definitley can-this must have been one of life's lessons on you can't trust anyone but yourself to take care of business no matter how important it is. There are people in my life I know I can count on to help me when I need it, none of them work in the administrative areas of my school.
Lesson number 2: Adjunct teachers and teachers obviously less qualified than I to be teaching at this college.
It all started with English 106, the class that was supposed to be a composition II class but it ended up being a service project helping people who contracted AIDS. NOT what I signed up for and definitley an uncomfortable semester for me personally for reasons I would rather not get in to on this post. I signed up for an ENGLISH COMPOSITION class....wait a minute....why are we driving in to wheaton to volunteer time I don't have to sit and chat with people who have AIDS? Now I know this might sound harsh and insensitive on my part, and I don't have anything against these people in any way, I just did not have the time to do this so called "service" project when I should have been practicing or focusing on my MUSIC EDUCATION degree.
Sophomre year wasn't bad as far as getting nothing out of my classes, aside from the religious studies class I had to take so lets move on ->
Junior Year, our current year:
Fall semester I had a psychology teach who sat across from me at her desk and told me and I quote "I honestly don't care about this class, but I expect you to give me 100% of your time and attention" .... Strike 2 Elmhurst College. Why did you hire this woman?
Current semester, Spring semester:
So far, week three has been both a nightmare and a lot of fun all at the same time. I have to admit that 90% of my teachers this semester make me feel like I'm right where I should be and are not wasting my time. However, in conducting, I feel like the two hours a week we spend in there right now is not only a waste of time but is also killing my brain cells slowly and painfully. The warmup exercises we do has had no benefit to my conducting education whatsoever. Lets not forget, the first day of class I was read the table of contents.....by my "professor"....... I'm holding that against her right now until-yes I AM. On top of that she brought in someone to teach basically a crash course in music history 1 which I also did not get anything out of whatsoever. What college ought to be huh? For those of you who are indeed Sue fans I apologize if this struck a nerve-I just fail to see how she of any benefit to my education here. We got more out of Professor Grimes the first week than we have in three out of Sue.
I'm coming up with solutions and do not have them all compiled yet. When I do they will be posted.
I also talked with my Doc yet again today and still no word from the other Doctor because apparently THEY keep losing my records somehow. One of the two places is lying to me and it's pissing me off to no end. So now tomorrow I have to take a jet up to the North Shore to pick up my records myself and then take the Metra in to the city on Monday to drop this crap off in person. I'm just about ready to say forget my liver, forget my health problems and pretend like they don't exist. I am officially beyond the end of my patience rope, way beyond it.
End of line.
Week Two Down, Happy Valentine's Day Dearest
This week went much better than the first week of classes. At least one call per day from Dr. Jacobs with several different reasons as to why my liver is messed up really freaked me out and had me thinking down that dark road again. The road I thought I left behind me. After a year now of not knowing what is wrong with my liver, I have to admit it's starting to get the better of me. I know many of you are aware of just my recent liver problem (high liver enzymes) but this actually started about a year ago with a call from my original G.I. Doc saying she didn't know what was wrong with me and that I should see Dr. Jacobs because he specializes in liver problems.
Turns out that it was Dr. Jacobs office that has been dropping the ball. After Dr. Jacobs insisting that my records were faxed to Dr. Flamm and talking with confidence that he would hear back from Dr. Flamm, I got a call during music history Friday from Dr. Flamm's head nurse saying she has no record of a fax from Dr. Jacobs office at all.... Thanks to two of my good friends (friends I definitely do not see enough of) I have other options, and I think it may be time to say good bye to Dr. Jacobs and start getting a viable diagnosis that doesn't take a year. The only good news I have to report as far as my health is that I'm still able to stand, and stand strong and I'm tapering off the prednisone slowly but surely.
I am so excited for tonight! I have this very cheesy, very small, hopefully romantic plan for dinner with the Dearest tonight. I'll provide more details later, because I know she reads this and I don't want to give her any more hints :P
But seriously, a year ago today is when Jessie and I met in the Frick Center at school and started talking as friends. From that day I knew she would change my life drastically, and she has in more ways than her or anyone will ever know. She's helped me discover a strength inside of me I never knew was there, and all she does is listen to me when I need to bitch and she's herself-even if she is a little nuts. No one has ever made me smile or laugh as much as she does, and certainly I've never felt more supported outside of my family and Guy friends (Eric, Tommy, Matt R. ) So Sweet Pea: I really hope you enjoy your gifts and your dins tonight, I know I am definitely going to enjoy your company and watching the look of happiness and suprise on your face tonight.
I think that's what Valentine's day is all about. Yes it's a "hallmark holiday" but the spirit in it, if you can find it, makes it so much more. I've found that it's a day to celebrate having her in my life, more so than I do on a normal day. Gifts and a meal and some cuddling on the couch tonight somehow has an increadible luster to it that goes beyond the corporate push that this Holiday embodies outside of my head. She's one in a million for sure, and I think one day a year to buy her pretty things and feed her is only a small portion of what I can/should be doing to show her how much she means to me. No you don't necessarily need things bought with money to prove that, but if done right they can be one of the many ways to make it tangible.
Turns out that it was Dr. Jacobs office that has been dropping the ball. After Dr. Jacobs insisting that my records were faxed to Dr. Flamm and talking with confidence that he would hear back from Dr. Flamm, I got a call during music history Friday from Dr. Flamm's head nurse saying she has no record of a fax from Dr. Jacobs office at all.... Thanks to two of my good friends (friends I definitely do not see enough of) I have other options, and I think it may be time to say good bye to Dr. Jacobs and start getting a viable diagnosis that doesn't take a year. The only good news I have to report as far as my health is that I'm still able to stand, and stand strong and I'm tapering off the prednisone slowly but surely.
I am so excited for tonight! I have this very cheesy, very small, hopefully romantic plan for dinner with the Dearest tonight. I'll provide more details later, because I know she reads this and I don't want to give her any more hints :P
But seriously, a year ago today is when Jessie and I met in the Frick Center at school and started talking as friends. From that day I knew she would change my life drastically, and she has in more ways than her or anyone will ever know. She's helped me discover a strength inside of me I never knew was there, and all she does is listen to me when I need to bitch and she's herself-even if she is a little nuts. No one has ever made me smile or laugh as much as she does, and certainly I've never felt more supported outside of my family and Guy friends (Eric, Tommy, Matt R. ) So Sweet Pea: I really hope you enjoy your gifts and your dins tonight, I know I am definitely going to enjoy your company and watching the look of happiness and suprise on your face tonight.
I think that's what Valentine's day is all about. Yes it's a "hallmark holiday" but the spirit in it, if you can find it, makes it so much more. I've found that it's a day to celebrate having her in my life, more so than I do on a normal day. Gifts and a meal and some cuddling on the couch tonight somehow has an increadible luster to it that goes beyond the corporate push that this Holiday embodies outside of my head. She's one in a million for sure, and I think one day a year to buy her pretty things and feed her is only a small portion of what I can/should be doing to show her how much she means to me. No you don't necessarily need things bought with money to prove that, but if done right they can be one of the many ways to make it tangible.
It's been one hell of a week so far
Here we are at Wednesday, the middle of the road. It so happens that Wednesdays are now the biggest hurdle in my week, as I'm sure it is for many of my peers here at Elmhurst. I literally go non-stop from 6 in the morning until 6 at night counting my workout routine in there. One twelve hour day is not bad though, when I was commuting I used to have 5 days were i went longer than that. Thank GOD for living on campus, even with the quirks and headaches that are sometimes found living here.
It's 4am and I just can't sleep. I woke up about 2 to take an antacid and such and just tossed and turned for an hour, so now I'm here. There's so much racing through my mind right now that I'm wide awake after getting only 4 solid hours of sleep. One major thing that I can't shake is the phone call I need to make to Dr. Jacobs tomorrow-somehow. I think I'll probably have to step out of lab for a few minutes to call him. He didn't sound very happy with the voice mail he left me yesterday while I was in quartet. He also did not mention anything about the other doctor from Northwestern I'm so found of-which is even more unsettling. I don't have time for this shit. I just don't.
Two of my classes this semester have required observations and active participation in real schools. Which is exciting to no extent for me. Observations can be boring but they are also a great way to learn. I'm actually looking forward to getting the observations done, I just don't know when the HELL I'm going to have time to do them. The nice thing though is I can count all of these hours towards my total 150 needed for my degree. Killing two or three birds with one stone is always a favorite thought of mine-efficiency is quickly becoming one of my favorite things.
Amongst all this things at home are taking twists and turns that I was not prepared for. I'm hoping their for the good, and part of me really believes they are-but there is still part of me that is so afraid things either won't get fixed or will become worse through all of this. Here's hoping for the best.
I have officially fallen off the health wagon in the sense of trying to combat the affects of the prednisone and taking care of myself. In my defense, I did come down with a nasty case of Pneumonia over Christmas break and January and did not have the energy or the lung capacity to work out on a regular basis like I had planned. I not weigh 200 pounds even, I've gotten over the pneumonia for the most part and I am dong my best to get back in to my routine and take care of things. Over Jterm the food on campus was terrible and the fast food choices I made were not the healthiest by any means. It came down to what was cheap and fast in the bitter cold and I let it get carried away. I'm back on my salads, no pop (or if I have a pop it's coke zero), no cheeseburgers, drink lots of water etc regime and will be back in to the routine shortly. I feel like I've let a lot of people down, and I'm sorry.
It's 4am and I just can't sleep. I woke up about 2 to take an antacid and such and just tossed and turned for an hour, so now I'm here. There's so much racing through my mind right now that I'm wide awake after getting only 4 solid hours of sleep. One major thing that I can't shake is the phone call I need to make to Dr. Jacobs tomorrow-somehow. I think I'll probably have to step out of lab for a few minutes to call him. He didn't sound very happy with the voice mail he left me yesterday while I was in quartet. He also did not mention anything about the other doctor from Northwestern I'm so found of-which is even more unsettling. I don't have time for this shit. I just don't.
Two of my classes this semester have required observations and active participation in real schools. Which is exciting to no extent for me. Observations can be boring but they are also a great way to learn. I'm actually looking forward to getting the observations done, I just don't know when the HELL I'm going to have time to do them. The nice thing though is I can count all of these hours towards my total 150 needed for my degree. Killing two or three birds with one stone is always a favorite thought of mine-efficiency is quickly becoming one of my favorite things.
Amongst all this things at home are taking twists and turns that I was not prepared for. I'm hoping their for the good, and part of me really believes they are-but there is still part of me that is so afraid things either won't get fixed or will become worse through all of this. Here's hoping for the best.
I have officially fallen off the health wagon in the sense of trying to combat the affects of the prednisone and taking care of myself. In my defense, I did come down with a nasty case of Pneumonia over Christmas break and January and did not have the energy or the lung capacity to work out on a regular basis like I had planned. I not weigh 200 pounds even, I've gotten over the pneumonia for the most part and I am dong my best to get back in to my routine and take care of things. Over Jterm the food on campus was terrible and the fast food choices I made were not the healthiest by any means. It came down to what was cheap and fast in the bitter cold and I let it get carried away. I'm back on my salads, no pop (or if I have a pop it's coke zero), no cheeseburgers, drink lots of water etc regime and will be back in to the routine shortly. I feel like I've let a lot of people down, and I'm sorry.
HEALTH UPDATE
I finally heard from the doctor today after almost three months of waiting, becoming increasingly frustrated, and calling with no return phone call. Apparently the doctor that sent me to this specialist that does not think I'm worth his time has not heard from him either. However the slides from my biopsy in April made it to Northwestern and back to Glenbrook hospitals weeks ago....
As I sit here writing this right now, my daily dose of Prednisone has been lowered from 40mg to 30mg! Thankfully I'm getting weaned off the roids starting tonight. It seems like I've been on it such a long time, and my doctor on the phone today was concerned about the prolonged use of the Prednisone but also doesn't want to risk hurting my liver any more than it already is.
I'm going up to the North Shore Thursday afternoon to get blood work done and get more answers. Hopefully by then my doc will have been able to get in touch with this guy from Northwestern and we can finally figure out if I'm going to need a liver in 10 years or if it's just Sarcoidosis. Either way I just want some freaking answers already!
I was told to expect nothing but good things out of Northwestern, and my Father swears by them but I seriously have a hard time seeing them as the best, when I can't even get in touch with a guy who is supposed to look things over and tell me what's wrong. I need answers now and he scheduled me to see him again in MAY. MAY of 2009. Makes no sense to me whatsoever. Thanks Northwestern for nothing, I want to go somewhere else!
As I sit here writing this right now, my daily dose of Prednisone has been lowered from 40mg to 30mg! Thankfully I'm getting weaned off the roids starting tonight. It seems like I've been on it such a long time, and my doctor on the phone today was concerned about the prolonged use of the Prednisone but also doesn't want to risk hurting my liver any more than it already is.
I'm going up to the North Shore Thursday afternoon to get blood work done and get more answers. Hopefully by then my doc will have been able to get in touch with this guy from Northwestern and we can finally figure out if I'm going to need a liver in 10 years or if it's just Sarcoidosis. Either way I just want some freaking answers already!
I was told to expect nothing but good things out of Northwestern, and my Father swears by them but I seriously have a hard time seeing them as the best, when I can't even get in touch with a guy who is supposed to look things over and tell me what's wrong. I need answers now and he scheduled me to see him again in MAY. MAY of 2009. Makes no sense to me whatsoever. Thanks Northwestern for nothing, I want to go somewhere else!
This Historic Day
What a day! I got to watch the first Black man be sworn in as President of these United States! Even though I was watching a television and was sitting thousands of miles away from our capital i still felt honored to be witnessing such a historic event-and with such a noble and great man to boot. Granted it is a little early to be passing this kind of judgment but I can't help it. I have such a good feeling about President Obama-things are better already just having Bush out of Washington. Yes I know things are not going to change over night and he has a lot to deal with, break through and accomplish. But seriously after watching the debates, how he handled his campaign, and just listening to the man speak I seriously believe we're better off today than we were yesterday. Tomorrow is going to be interesting with our President's foreign policy announcements among other things. Imagine, having a President who is comfortable being President! Someone at the helm of this country who can form actual sentences and pronounce words properly! We now have a President who does not have his fingers in big oil! WOW! WHAT A CONCEPT!
ALSO: Anyone who says George Bush was a great leader should just quit right now. There is no way anyone can sit and say he did a good job as a leader. He had the lowest approval ratings in the history of our country on his way out and while in office. Seriously. GIVE IT A REST. And don't even try to compare President Obama with former President Bush. There is no possible comparison so again, give it a rest.
The next year, heck the next couple of months, are going to be interesting for sure and I am so excited that this all happened at a time in my life where I actually have the sense to focus in on current events. What a time to be a college kid! :)
In other news my Dearest has a paid internship lined up for the Spring at Concordia College in the archives there! I am SO excited and happy for her. Things are starting to line up splendidly for Jessie! Now we just gotta get her to call the number........ lol. I'm glad I was able to go with her and support her with this whole thing too :) It makes me feel good to give her support after all she has done/does for me.
Oh and by the way PETA... I will not call my fish "sea kittens" sorry. AND changing the name of an animal to something like "sea kitten" is ridiculous in so many ways. No one is going to call them sea kittens people. Let's try a less cutsie more mature approach to things...... please?
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ALSO: Anyone who says George Bush was a great leader should just quit right now. There is no way anyone can sit and say he did a good job as a leader. He had the lowest approval ratings in the history of our country on his way out and while in office. Seriously. GIVE IT A REST. And don't even try to compare President Obama with former President Bush. There is no possible comparison so again, give it a rest.
The next year, heck the next couple of months, are going to be interesting for sure and I am so excited that this all happened at a time in my life where I actually have the sense to focus in on current events. What a time to be a college kid! :)
In other news my Dearest has a paid internship lined up for the Spring at Concordia College in the archives there! I am SO excited and happy for her. Things are starting to line up splendidly for Jessie! Now we just gotta get her to call the number........ lol. I'm glad I was able to go with her and support her with this whole thing too :) It makes me feel good to give her support after all she has done/does for me.
Oh and by the way PETA... I will not call my fish "sea kittens" sorry. AND changing the name of an animal to something like "sea kitten" is ridiculous in so many ways. No one is going to call them sea kittens people. Let's try a less cutsie more mature approach to things...... please?
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Another Week Down
Feeling a little better today as this chest cold slowly moves out of my system. If I'm not feeling much better by Tuesday I'm going to hit the wellness center at school for sure and get on an antibiotic. Being on the Prednisone means my immune system is almost completely suppressed and causes me to get sick extremely easily.
I called the liver specialist I'm working with on Monday to check about my liver slides and get my options from him and he has yet to call me back. I think I may have mentioned this in my previous post but I need to rant a little more about it. I'm giving him another week and then I'm calling my G.I. Specialist in the hopes he can deal with this guy and get some answers. A month is a long enough time to wait I think, maybe it's just me.
We already have our midterm for J-Term this Tuesday but it looks pretty straightforward and easy. Percussion tech is an amazing class! I am having so much fun banging on drums and getting to know Sara Duran and other peeps a little more :)
Jessie has found her grad school already and is incredibly excited to continue her education and get in to the field she's interested in. I'm excited for her too! I'm glad that she has found something she can be happy doing for the rest of her life, or at least the next 20 years or so. We did a test drive out to the place she's interviewing for an internship today so that she can get her bearings a little around the area and Tuesday I'm going to ride shotgun and go with her to the interview just in case she gets a little turned around she won't be alone and lost in River Forest.
Well it's time to start cooking some Lasagna! More to come later possibly.
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I called the liver specialist I'm working with on Monday to check about my liver slides and get my options from him and he has yet to call me back. I think I may have mentioned this in my previous post but I need to rant a little more about it. I'm giving him another week and then I'm calling my G.I. Specialist in the hopes he can deal with this guy and get some answers. A month is a long enough time to wait I think, maybe it's just me.
We already have our midterm for J-Term this Tuesday but it looks pretty straightforward and easy. Percussion tech is an amazing class! I am having so much fun banging on drums and getting to know Sara Duran and other peeps a little more :)
Jessie has found her grad school already and is incredibly excited to continue her education and get in to the field she's interested in. I'm excited for her too! I'm glad that she has found something she can be happy doing for the rest of her life, or at least the next 20 years or so. We did a test drive out to the place she's interviewing for an internship today so that she can get her bearings a little around the area and Tuesday I'm going to ride shotgun and go with her to the interview just in case she gets a little turned around she won't be alone and lost in River Forest.
Well it's time to start cooking some Lasagna! More to come later possibly.
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So Much Snow
The first week of J-Term has come and gone, and I have to admit that it went by pretty quickly. Percussion Tech is an awesome class, and not only is it a blast bang on drums for 3 hours 4 days a week, I'm learning a lot about the musicianship behind good drumming. I have to admit that I've always considered percussionists to have the more or less easy job of an ensemble. I could always recognize that certain skills were needed in order to play percussion, but I always figured if one had a good internal beat and could time things properly percussion playing was easy. I was wrong. Dead wrong. The minute things you have to pay attention to just playing a practice pad with your sticks is unbelievable at times, especially when trying to pull a continuous drum roll off. One week in and I have a new found respect and interest for percussion playing-I can't wait to see what the rest of J-Term brings.
One of my favorite places to eat has closed their doors for good. La Bahia was a restaurant literally right next door to the office I work in and on December 28th they closed. I just found out about this today holding off my lunch until 2 when they were supposed to open for Saturday business. This is a sad day for sure, their food was incredibly delicious. :(
One more week and still no word from any of my doctors, which is causing me to have shaky faith at the moment. On the one hand I feel like they are holding out on me because the news is so bad they don't want to break it to me. On the other hand there's still that little part of me that feels like they know what's going on and it's not that big a deal so they're putting off calling me. Either way I just want some answers, please. I'm starting to go stir crazy not knowing what exactly is going on with my liver and the rest of me, the prednisone is becoming tiresome to say the least, and my crohns is starting to flare up for the first time in 2 months. I am so sick of my body, as I'm sure the rest of us with chronic illness or any illness are at some point. I'm amazed the human race has survived this long just based on the fact the human body is so flawed and so inefficient. Let's exclude the needless wars, massacres, genocides, crusades and all other forms of self annihilation we've undertaken over the centuries. Focusing in on just the human body itself I have to wonder how it even functions at all. If you think about it everything, absolutely every, at some point passes through your digestive tract. The place where you absorb nutrients to fuel the rest of your body. Your sinuses are allowed to fill up with snot to the point they become impacted. Cancer forms in places and people that should never even have to think about it. The muscles in your body are not all made out of smooth tissue causing them to wear out incredibly quickly. Why not make all of our muscles out of smooth tissue, or partly smooth tissue? We only use what 10% of our total brain? Seriously? I just don't see how something so flawed and so poorly designed can function at all.
I apologize for all the negativity today but in my defense I am freaking out. Why have they not called? Why? You'd think the thousands of dollars they get for seeing me even once would make them care just a little bit more....oh wait. I just want it all to be over already. I want to know what I'm dealing with so I CAN deal with it. I don't think it's too much to ask. Have I called them? No, I haven't. Every time I've decided to something else has come up and my mind has strayed from it. So yes, some of this is my fault and I should be more proactive about it. But at the same time I'm paying THEM and I think they should care just a little bit more.
On the brighter side of things, yesterday was a great day. Jess and I cooked chicken fajitas and made guacamole and salsa from scratch. It turned out to be a pretty decent meal with plenty of salsa and guac left over. We played some Scrabble and talked and just enjoyed each other's company like we often do on a Friday night. She seriously is one in a million, my rock, my source of reason and strength. Talking about our future both individual and ours together gave me feelings of excitement. She's found a place that is looking for an apprentice like person to work with in an archive, which is exactly what she wants to be doing later on down the road. I am so excited both for her and for myself thinking that in a very short amount of time I'll finally be out on my own and teaching-doing what I love 5 days a week.
As I sit here waiting for my lunch to be delivered and an answer on if I get an extra 8 hours pay this coming week, I can't help but think about my Dad. Working at O'Hare he often gets asked to stay for overtime digging signs out of the snow on the taxiways. I worry about him every time he's on the airfield, taxiway or not. Hell I worry about him every time he's out there regardless. Even though currently he's in the terminal working, operating a lift and getting in and out of tight spaces can be just as dangerous as any place else, and 16 hours of work most of which is in the cold and never ending snow has gotta suck big time. Sure over time is always great and appreciated but still, it's gotta suck. This time though he won't have to drive anyone home in the blizzard-which was my bad last time.
end of line.
One of my favorite places to eat has closed their doors for good. La Bahia was a restaurant literally right next door to the office I work in and on December 28th they closed. I just found out about this today holding off my lunch until 2 when they were supposed to open for Saturday business. This is a sad day for sure, their food was incredibly delicious. :(
One more week and still no word from any of my doctors, which is causing me to have shaky faith at the moment. On the one hand I feel like they are holding out on me because the news is so bad they don't want to break it to me. On the other hand there's still that little part of me that feels like they know what's going on and it's not that big a deal so they're putting off calling me. Either way I just want some answers, please. I'm starting to go stir crazy not knowing what exactly is going on with my liver and the rest of me, the prednisone is becoming tiresome to say the least, and my crohns is starting to flare up for the first time in 2 months. I am so sick of my body, as I'm sure the rest of us with chronic illness or any illness are at some point. I'm amazed the human race has survived this long just based on the fact the human body is so flawed and so inefficient. Let's exclude the needless wars, massacres, genocides, crusades and all other forms of self annihilation we've undertaken over the centuries. Focusing in on just the human body itself I have to wonder how it even functions at all. If you think about it everything, absolutely every, at some point passes through your digestive tract. The place where you absorb nutrients to fuel the rest of your body. Your sinuses are allowed to fill up with snot to the point they become impacted. Cancer forms in places and people that should never even have to think about it. The muscles in your body are not all made out of smooth tissue causing them to wear out incredibly quickly. Why not make all of our muscles out of smooth tissue, or partly smooth tissue? We only use what 10% of our total brain? Seriously? I just don't see how something so flawed and so poorly designed can function at all.
I apologize for all the negativity today but in my defense I am freaking out. Why have they not called? Why? You'd think the thousands of dollars they get for seeing me even once would make them care just a little bit more....oh wait. I just want it all to be over already. I want to know what I'm dealing with so I CAN deal with it. I don't think it's too much to ask. Have I called them? No, I haven't. Every time I've decided to something else has come up and my mind has strayed from it. So yes, some of this is my fault and I should be more proactive about it. But at the same time I'm paying THEM and I think they should care just a little bit more.
On the brighter side of things, yesterday was a great day. Jess and I cooked chicken fajitas and made guacamole and salsa from scratch. It turned out to be a pretty decent meal with plenty of salsa and guac left over. We played some Scrabble and talked and just enjoyed each other's company like we often do on a Friday night. She seriously is one in a million, my rock, my source of reason and strength. Talking about our future both individual and ours together gave me feelings of excitement. She's found a place that is looking for an apprentice like person to work with in an archive, which is exactly what she wants to be doing later on down the road. I am so excited both for her and for myself thinking that in a very short amount of time I'll finally be out on my own and teaching-doing what I love 5 days a week.
As I sit here waiting for my lunch to be delivered and an answer on if I get an extra 8 hours pay this coming week, I can't help but think about my Dad. Working at O'Hare he often gets asked to stay for overtime digging signs out of the snow on the taxiways. I worry about him every time he's on the airfield, taxiway or not. Hell I worry about him every time he's out there regardless. Even though currently he's in the terminal working, operating a lift and getting in and out of tight spaces can be just as dangerous as any place else, and 16 hours of work most of which is in the cold and never ending snow has gotta suck big time. Sure over time is always great and appreciated but still, it's gotta suck. This time though he won't have to drive anyone home in the blizzard-which was my bad last time.
end of line.
Back to School
These past three weeks have gone by in a blur as time spent doing what I want to do often does. Monday marks the start of J-term, which is not too bad considering I only have one class 4 days a week for 3 hours a day for the next four weeks. I'm taking percussion tech and I've heard it's an awesome class and I am definitely looking forward to it. Being able to see Jessie every day is an amazing thought as well, I do miss having her in my day to day life.
Thankfully this years holiday's and break went by without too much drama, screaming, yelling, cussing, throwing things- basically nothing usual. It was nice to have a quiet and relaxing Christmas (for the most part) and aside from being sick as a dog the past couple of days New Year's eve and day were filled with painting, games with the brother, chats with the dearest and relaxation-which I can never complain about.
Monday after lunch I'm going to start making phone calls and getting to the bottom of my liver problems. I also need to see a GP about these persistent headaches and general congestion that just does not seem to go away no matter what I do. The strongest OTC decongestant I can find does absolutely nothing to tame my sinuses so another doctors appointment aside from my liver/crohns is definitely in the near future. I'm so sick and tired of feeling awful all the time and J-term seems like the ideal time to get the reigns on all of this.
My airbrush continues to be awesome, and the more I use it the better I'm getting at controlling it and making it do what I want. The only downside to moving back to school is having to wait till the weekend to use it-a sacrifice I think I can handle until May :) I started working on painting my laptop and it didn't turn out quite the way I had hoped-so I'm going to strip it down again and start over once I get some more paint. I didn't clear coat it or finish it in any way so the paint rubs off pretty easily. I need to take the keyboard and inside cover apart to get this to work, a task I'm not looking forward to but the finish product should look pretty sweet. I plan on repainting a black base coat and then putting the neon orange over it giving it a carbon-fiber look on the inside around the touch pad and keyboard. The top cover is going to get another coat of base black, with orange carbon fiber around the boarder and in the center I'm not sure quite what I want to do yet. Definitely a mural of some sort-the original plan was to make a lightning bolt streaking across it. Maybe streak lighting across the whole top of the laptop? There is an accent piece that I can't get off that would break the lighting up-hmmm decisions decisions.....
So now I have a question for those of you who are kind enough to read through all my nonsense: How do you tell someone you love, someone that has done wonders for you-she's not only alienated you but your brother as well and makes us both want to never come around again? It's so hard to watch and listen to my brother take flack that is sort of merited but blown way out of proportion. And for me I'm just sick and tired of busting my ass and getting both "you're a wonderful kid and a hard worker" but then getting slapped across the face at the same time. It's confusing, irritating, and getting to the point where I just can't do it anymore-I can't risk the stress with my health and I just straight up don't have time to babysit and deal with someone who should be acting her age. Something is going on emotionally with her, and it's obvious there's a void she is trying to fill, but in doing so she's pushed me, my brother and some others away. So here's my question: do we confront her, do I tell her these things knowing full well it's just going to blow up in my face and become my fault somehow? Or do I just let it ride and walk on eggshells for the next two to three years until I can finally put a ton of distance between me and said person? I just don't know what to do, to be honest. This seems like it may be a simple situation, but I just can't get my head around that right now-I hate when things blow up in my face that I could have prevented. But at the same time I've always been one to just plow through situations, both good and bad, and not hesitate or try to skirt around them...... Ugh I just need to get back in school.
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Thankfully this years holiday's and break went by without too much drama, screaming, yelling, cussing, throwing things- basically nothing usual. It was nice to have a quiet and relaxing Christmas (for the most part) and aside from being sick as a dog the past couple of days New Year's eve and day were filled with painting, games with the brother, chats with the dearest and relaxation-which I can never complain about.
Monday after lunch I'm going to start making phone calls and getting to the bottom of my liver problems. I also need to see a GP about these persistent headaches and general congestion that just does not seem to go away no matter what I do. The strongest OTC decongestant I can find does absolutely nothing to tame my sinuses so another doctors appointment aside from my liver/crohns is definitely in the near future. I'm so sick and tired of feeling awful all the time and J-term seems like the ideal time to get the reigns on all of this.
My airbrush continues to be awesome, and the more I use it the better I'm getting at controlling it and making it do what I want. The only downside to moving back to school is having to wait till the weekend to use it-a sacrifice I think I can handle until May :) I started working on painting my laptop and it didn't turn out quite the way I had hoped-so I'm going to strip it down again and start over once I get some more paint. I didn't clear coat it or finish it in any way so the paint rubs off pretty easily. I need to take the keyboard and inside cover apart to get this to work, a task I'm not looking forward to but the finish product should look pretty sweet. I plan on repainting a black base coat and then putting the neon orange over it giving it a carbon-fiber look on the inside around the touch pad and keyboard. The top cover is going to get another coat of base black, with orange carbon fiber around the boarder and in the center I'm not sure quite what I want to do yet. Definitely a mural of some sort-the original plan was to make a lightning bolt streaking across it. Maybe streak lighting across the whole top of the laptop? There is an accent piece that I can't get off that would break the lighting up-hmmm decisions decisions.....
So now I have a question for those of you who are kind enough to read through all my nonsense: How do you tell someone you love, someone that has done wonders for you-she's not only alienated you but your brother as well and makes us both want to never come around again? It's so hard to watch and listen to my brother take flack that is sort of merited but blown way out of proportion. And for me I'm just sick and tired of busting my ass and getting both "you're a wonderful kid and a hard worker" but then getting slapped across the face at the same time. It's confusing, irritating, and getting to the point where I just can't do it anymore-I can't risk the stress with my health and I just straight up don't have time to babysit and deal with someone who should be acting her age. Something is going on emotionally with her, and it's obvious there's a void she is trying to fill, but in doing so she's pushed me, my brother and some others away. So here's my question: do we confront her, do I tell her these things knowing full well it's just going to blow up in my face and become my fault somehow? Or do I just let it ride and walk on eggshells for the next two to three years until I can finally put a ton of distance between me and said person? I just don't know what to do, to be honest. This seems like it may be a simple situation, but I just can't get my head around that right now-I hate when things blow up in my face that I could have prevented. But at the same time I've always been one to just plow through situations, both good and bad, and not hesitate or try to skirt around them...... Ugh I just need to get back in school.
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