What College Ought to Be

The events of the past four weeks, and lets face it, the past six semesters have caused me to feel increasing disappointed in my college choice. The massive amount of time and money I feel like I'm wasting here is causing me to wish I had gone to Vandercook or Northeastern. But no, I was "guaranteed" and "good education here at Elmhurst College, what college ought to be."

Lets start at the beginning with the administrative end of this institution, or lack there of. As an incoming freshmen I, and my mother, were both told that they would help us make sure my account was in good standing all the time-and if there was a problem I would be notified in enough time to rectify the problem before I was either charged the 1% late fee or not allowed to register for classes or attend class all together. Low and behold my spring semester of my Freshmen year I received a statement saying I owed nothing on my account and being the nieve Freshmen I was did not check in to it; figuring that the college knew what they were doing and if there was indeed a problem they would tell me about it. It did seem a little strange to me so I went in to check it out the last day we were allowed to make payments before our enrollment was revoked and I found out I owed the enitre semester's tuition. I had to borrow emergency money from my parents in order to stay at Elmhurst-that should have been my first clue. Now I realize that I'm older and should be able to handle my responsibilites-and I definitley can-this must have been one of life's lessons on you can't trust anyone but yourself to take care of business no matter how important it is. There are people in my life I know I can count on to help me when I need it, none of them work in the administrative areas of my school.

Lesson number 2: Adjunct teachers and teachers obviously less qualified than I to be teaching at this college.
It all started with English 106, the class that was supposed to be a composition II class but it ended up being a service project helping people who contracted AIDS. NOT what I signed up for and definitley an uncomfortable semester for me personally for reasons I would rather not get in to on this post. I signed up for an ENGLISH COMPOSITION class....wait a minute....why are we driving in to wheaton to volunteer time I don't have to sit and chat with people who have AIDS? Now I know this might sound harsh and insensitive on my part, and I don't have anything against these people in any way, I just did not have the time to do this so called "service" project when I should have been practicing or focusing on my MUSIC EDUCATION degree.

Sophomre year wasn't bad as far as getting nothing out of my classes, aside from the religious studies class I had to take so lets move on ->

Junior Year, our current year:
Fall semester I had a psychology teach who sat across from me at her desk and told me and I quote "I honestly don't care about this class, but I expect you to give me 100% of your time and attention" .... Strike 2 Elmhurst College. Why did you hire this woman?

Current semester, Spring semester:
So far, week three has been both a nightmare and a lot of fun all at the same time. I have to admit that 90% of my teachers this semester make me feel like I'm right where I should be and are not wasting my time. However, in conducting, I feel like the two hours a week we spend in there right now is not only a waste of time but is also killing my brain cells slowly and painfully. The warmup exercises we do has had no benefit to my conducting education whatsoever. Lets not forget, the first day of class I was read the table of contents.....by my "professor"....... I'm holding that against her right now until-yes I AM. On top of that she brought in someone to teach basically a crash course in music history 1 which I also did not get anything out of whatsoever. What college ought to be huh? For those of you who are indeed Sue fans I apologize if this struck a nerve-I just fail to see how she of any benefit to my education here. We got more out of Professor Grimes the first week than we have in three out of Sue.

I'm coming up with solutions and do not have them all compiled yet. When I do they will be posted.

I also talked with my Doc yet again today and still no word from the other Doctor because apparently THEY keep losing my records somehow. One of the two places is lying to me and it's pissing me off to no end. So now tomorrow I have to take a jet up to the North Shore to pick up my records myself and then take the Metra in to the city on Monday to drop this crap off in person. I'm just about ready to say forget my liver, forget my health problems and pretend like they don't exist. I am officially beyond the end of my patience rope, way beyond it.

End of line.

Week Two Down, Happy Valentine's Day Dearest

This week went much better than the first week of classes. At least one call per day from Dr. Jacobs with several different reasons as to why my liver is messed up really freaked me out and had me thinking down that dark road again. The road I thought I left behind me. After a year now of not knowing what is wrong with my liver, I have to admit it's starting to get the better of me. I know many of you are aware of just my recent liver problem (high liver enzymes) but this actually started about a year ago with a call from my original G.I. Doc saying she didn't know what was wrong with me and that I should see Dr. Jacobs because he specializes in liver problems.

Turns out that it was Dr. Jacobs office that has been dropping the ball. After Dr. Jacobs insisting that my records were faxed to Dr. Flamm and talking with confidence that he would hear back from Dr. Flamm, I got a call during music history Friday from Dr. Flamm's head nurse saying she has no record of a fax from Dr. Jacobs office at all.... Thanks to two of my good friends (friends I definitely do not see enough of) I have other options, and I think it may be time to say good bye to Dr. Jacobs and start getting a viable diagnosis that doesn't take a year. The only good news I have to report as far as my health is that I'm still able to stand, and stand strong and I'm tapering off the prednisone slowly but surely.

I am so excited for tonight! I have this very cheesy, very small, hopefully romantic plan for dinner with the Dearest tonight. I'll provide more details later, because I know she reads this and I don't want to give her any more hints :P

But seriously, a year ago today is when Jessie and I met in the Frick Center at school and started talking as friends. From that day I knew she would change my life drastically, and she has in more ways than her or anyone will ever know. She's helped me discover a strength inside of me I never knew was there, and all she does is listen to me when I need to bitch and she's herself-even if she is a little nuts. No one has ever made me smile or laugh as much as she does, and certainly I've never felt more supported outside of my family and Guy friends (Eric, Tommy, Matt R. ) So Sweet Pea: I really hope you enjoy your gifts and your dins tonight, I know I am definitely going to enjoy your company and watching the look of happiness and suprise on your face tonight.

I think that's what Valentine's day is all about. Yes it's a "hallmark holiday" but the spirit in it, if you can find it, makes it so much more. I've found that it's a day to celebrate having her in my life, more so than I do on a normal day. Gifts and a meal and some cuddling on the couch tonight somehow has an increadible luster to it that goes beyond the corporate push that this Holiday embodies outside of my head. She's one in a million for sure, and I think one day a year to buy her pretty things and feed her is only a small portion of what I can/should be doing to show her how much she means to me. No you don't necessarily need things bought with money to prove that, but if done right they can be one of the many ways to make it tangible.

It's been one hell of a week so far

Here we are at Wednesday, the middle of the road. It so happens that Wednesdays are now the biggest hurdle in my week, as I'm sure it is for many of my peers here at Elmhurst. I literally go non-stop from 6 in the morning until 6 at night counting my workout routine in there. One twelve hour day is not bad though, when I was commuting I used to have 5 days were i went longer than that. Thank GOD for living on campus, even with the quirks and headaches that are sometimes found living here.

It's 4am and I just can't sleep. I woke up about 2 to take an antacid and such and just tossed and turned for an hour, so now I'm here. There's so much racing through my mind right now that I'm wide awake after getting only 4 solid hours of sleep. One major thing that I can't shake is the phone call I need to make to Dr. Jacobs tomorrow-somehow. I think I'll probably have to step out of lab for a few minutes to call him. He didn't sound very happy with the voice mail he left me yesterday while I was in quartet. He also did not mention anything about the other doctor from Northwestern I'm so found of-which is even more unsettling. I don't have time for this shit. I just don't.

Two of my classes this semester have required observations and active participation in real schools. Which is exciting to no extent for me. Observations can be boring but they are also a great way to learn. I'm actually looking forward to getting the observations done, I just don't know when the HELL I'm going to have time to do them. The nice thing though is I can count all of these hours towards my total 150 needed for my degree. Killing two or three birds with one stone is always a favorite thought of mine-efficiency is quickly becoming one of my favorite things.

Amongst all this things at home are taking twists and turns that I was not prepared for. I'm hoping their for the good, and part of me really believes they are-but there is still part of me that is so afraid things either won't get fixed or will become worse through all of this. Here's hoping for the best.

I have officially fallen off the health wagon in the sense of trying to combat the affects of the prednisone and taking care of myself. In my defense, I did come down with a nasty case of Pneumonia over Christmas break and January and did not have the energy or the lung capacity to work out on a regular basis like I had planned. I not weigh 200 pounds even, I've gotten over the pneumonia for the most part and I am dong my best to get back in to my routine and take care of things. Over Jterm the food on campus was terrible and the fast food choices I made were not the healthiest by any means. It came down to what was cheap and fast in the bitter cold and I let it get carried away. I'm back on my salads, no pop (or if I have a pop it's coke zero), no cheeseburgers, drink lots of water etc regime and will be back in to the routine shortly. I feel like I've let a lot of people down, and I'm sorry.